For this child I prayed...

As women who face the daily struggle of infertility, there is no doubt the pages of our Bibles recording chapters one and two of 1 Samuel are dog-eared. We loved to read and reread the story of Hannah as she wept and prayed in the temple, crying out to God for a baby, just as we do today. We relate to her frustration, we can almost literally feel her pain and taste her salty tears. How many times have we all sat down in the dusty floor of the temple next to Hannah and wept along with her? It’s just so good to be understood by someone else who knows what it feels like to want a baby so badly, even if that understanding sister lived thousands of years ago!

Oh, how I wish there were video cameras in Hannah’s day! As much I love to read Hannah’s words, I would really love to hear her tell her story. Wouldn’t you? I’d love to hear her make her petitions to the Almighty. I’d love to see her face when she told Eli the priest that she wasn’t drunk, but heartbroken instead. Most of all, I’d want to eavesdrop when she brought her God-sent son back to the same priest and dedicated him to the Lord. I’d ask you to watch that particular video today. Then I’d ask you to watch it again and again. And again.

I’d ask you to back the video up to 1 Samuel 1:27 when Hannah held her precious baby boy in her arms and looked at the priest, Eli, and said “For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted what I asked of Him...” And then I’d ask you to back it up and watch it again. And again. “For this child I prayed...” Back it up. “For this child I prayed...” Turn the volume up. “For this child I prayed...” I can’t help but believe if we could hear Hannah’s voice when she said these words, we might just hear her put her passionate emphasis on the word this. “For THIS child I prayed...”

The waiting in hard. You just want a baby. You don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, or if it’s born at the perfect time of year. You just want a healthy baby. You cry out to God with everything in you to let this month be the month. “God, please! I can’t wait another month! I’ll go crazy! Please let me get pregnant this time!” Just one baby! That’s all you ask for! But please, let it be now! Anybody who has ever gone through infertility would absolutely understand.

But listen to Hannah. “For this child I prayed.” What she didn’t realize all those years as she was weeping and crying out to God for a baby was that every single tear and every single prayer was a prayer for Samuel. Every single tear was a tear shed for Samuel. Every single prayer was a prayer prayed for Samuel. For this child I prayed. Can you imagine the first time she saw his face? It must have all come together in an instant! “Oh, I understand! It was for this child I prayed and waited! Not another! But for this child! So worth it. He was so worth it!”


If Hannah had conceived when she first desired a child, that child would not have been Samuel. There’s no way she could have realized the specific child she was praying for, but God knew. God knows your life and your future just as specifically. All the months that have passed with negative pregnancy tests are not failures. Were Hannah’s months and years without pregnancies failures? Her story resulted in Samuel! If she had conceived even one month earlier than she did, Samuel could not have been conceived and history would have been changed. “For this child I prayed...”

I believe God has a purpose and a plan for your infertility. I believe there is a reason for every single month, every single week, every single day and every single negative pregnancy test you must endure. (Jeremiah 29:11) Keep praying. Keep asking God for children. It is our prayer that one day, just as you have wept with Hannah, you will join with her in saying, “For this child I prayed and God has granted what I asked of Him.”

Star Struck

I have to admit, I’m a little star struck. It’s kind of embarrassing--I’m 41 years old! But I just can’t help myself. Each time I find myself surrounded by the caliber of musicians God has gifted to Healing Place Church, I feel like a kid in a candy store who is way, way out of her league. However, I take my undeserved place on the risers and lift my voice with theirs, offering my grateful praise to the Heavens anyway.

One of those star-struck moments came during this year’s Live the Dream Women’s Conference at Healing Place Church. As I joined with the choir in singing our worship to our amazing God, there was one voice that rose a little higher than all the others. There are some some incredible vocalists at HPC, but this one really stood out far above all the others. It was a little sweeter, a little louder, perhaps a smidgen unique. It was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the most beautiful voice I heard on that stage all weekend. I found that I hushed to listen to this voice lift it’s praise, and I am certain that Heaven must have done the same.

You see, this voice belongs to Lizzie Haviland. A beautiful young woman who took her rightful place on the front row of the HPC choir. The challenges of Down’s Syndrome could never silence her worship and any of us would struggle to rise to her standards of excellence, sincerity and dedication. She lifted her heartfelt song of praise straight to God Himself, and I know all of Heaven leaned in to hear. The world may not recognize the beauty of her song, but Heaven’s choir must be jealous of her aria. What an incredible chorus she sings!

Standing among the likes of Lizzie Haviland in the Healing Place Choir, I am truly star struck and have no doubt I am way, way out of my league.

FInding Rest

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls,
 for My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30

There are so many Scriptures that encourage you to be strong, and to be of good cheer. We’re reminded that even though there will be problems in our lives, Christ has overcome the world, so ultimately we know we’ll be okay! But there are still days when all we want to do is pull the covers over our heads and stay in bed. Is today one of those days?

Jesus knew life would be hard. He knew that infertility and loss would be hard. The precious comforting words you read in Matthew 11:28-30 were spoken from His lips. If today is one of those days where everything feels too hard, hear Him say to you today, “Come to Me, you who are weary. I’ll give you rest.” You’ve tried to be strong for so long. You’ve tried to build your faith and tried to believe through so many failed procedures and negative pregnancy tests. Nothing could have convinced you that last month wasn’t the month--until your period and your tears started again. You’re just tired. Tired of trying and tired of crying.

Perhaps my friend, Erin, can say it better. She’s shares her heart with you in a poem she wrote and allows me to share with you.

One day, I won't need to hear "Mommy" or hold you or help you or feed you.
I will see clearly, instead of "through a glass dimly."
I will trust that God's ways really are "higher than my ways."
I will see how He "worked all things together for good."
Faith will be in Him alone-not in any earthly relationship.
Faith will even pass away, becoming sight of all things hoped for.

But today, I feel like such a baby.
God, will You please hold, me, help me, feed me, and call me Your child?

So if you’re tired today, hear the voice of Jesus beckoning you to come to Him, to rest in His embrace. To learn from Him and find rest. You can resume the fight tomorrow. But for today, just let Him hold you, help you, feed you and call you His child.

We at Sarah’s Laughter love you. We’re pulling for you! We’re praying for you. If there’s anything this ministry can do for you, please don’t hesitate to let us know.

Recklessly Unannounced

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:16

After a quite intense battle with infertility, God blessed my husband and me with a daughter. We see Him in her every day of her life, and could never express the gratitude our hearts hold for His indescribable gift.

When she was two years old, Lexie had a seizure. We were visiting with my parents who lived smack dab in the middle of a national forest, and were about 45 minutes from the nearest hospital. Since she had not been feeling well that day, my husband slept in one bed and I put Lexie in the bed with me. About 4 AM my bed began to shake as if we were in the throws of a major earthquake! I flipped the lamp on to see this miracle baby God had given me with her eyes rolled in the back of her head and her entire body violently thrashing in every direction all at once!

I immediately grabbed her in my arms and began to run through the house alerting my family. I banged on the wall to wake my husband and headed for my parents’ bedroom. When I got to their room, I slammed the door open, threw my seizing baby on my parents’ bed and screamed “Daddy, pray! Lexie’s having a seizure!”

Before they could shake the sleep from their minds, both of my parents, my husband and I were crying out to God in a way I never had before. I could not even begin to think that God would grant us the miracle of this child after fighting infertility like we did, and then lose her to a seizure in the middle of the night. We called on God with amazing fervency, and He heard our cries. God brought my daughter through the seizure that night, and she has never had another one. To God be the glory!

I share this story with you, because I think there is a great truth for you to learn in your struggle with infertility. In the moments when I realized we had a major problem on our hands, the first thing I did was wake my husband and run to my parents room. I called out to my dad to begin praying. (My dad was a pastor for nearly 60 years. It seemed the natural thing for me to call his name, although I knew my mom and husband would pray just as fervently, and they did!) Do you think I knocked on the door? Do you think I stood at the door to their bedroom with my seizing baby in my arms and wondered if it was okay for me to disturb their sleep? Should I have called someone else down the street who might still be awake? Of course not! I burst through my father’s door, threw my sick baby on the bed and cried out for help.

This is a great example of what God tells us to do when we need His help! Hebrews 4:16 says:

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

God invites us to come to Him to receive mercy and grace in our time of need. The words “draw near with confidence” literally mean “come recklessly unannounced”! God tells us to come recklessly unannounced into His throne room to find the help we need! The night of the seizure, I didn’t wait to be invited before I burst into my father’s room. I didn’t ask someone else to go there for me. I didn’t wonder if he’d be mad for me waking him up, or if he would refuse to help me pray. I didn’t have to. He’s my father, and I’m his child. That’s all the authority I needed to burst through his door recklessly unannounced.

Burst into God’s throne room recklessly unannounced to find help when you need it. When you feel like you can’t take this struggle anymore, go recklessly unannounced to your Father and cry out for help. He won’t turn you away. When another period starts, or you and your spouse just can’t agree on what steps to take next, cry out to your Father and approach Him recklessly unannounced! Bring your hurt and your problem to Him and cast it on Him. He knows how heavy the burden of infertility is for you. He’ll respond to the cry of His child with grace and mercy to help you in your time of need.

The Ridiculousness of God

Oh, I wish you could have been with me yesterday! Every single one of you! I know that infertility is so hard and can drain you of your sense of humor. You can sometime use a laugh! You would have gotten a chuckle if you could have followed me yesterday! You see, I took my 73 year old mother to the doctor and my 79 year old dad tagged along. (Don’t see the humor yet? Hang on!) The appointment was with a new doctor and we were not quite sure where the office was, but figured we’d just follow the signs once we got close. When we got to the appropriate floor of the physicians’ tower, my parents stepped off the elevator and began “confidently” heading straight toward the office of an infertility clinic! It was the funniest sight! A duo of septuagenarians, wrinkles, gray hair, one with an artificial knee and one with a walker, determinedly headed for fertility center! What if the fertility staff had looked out the door? What would they have thought? “Hey doc! Don’t plan on going to lunch today! You’ve got a doozy of a case coming this way!” We all laughed when I pointed out the sign over the door where they were headed as I quickly steered them toward the much more appropriate office. (I think I heard my dad say something about just popping into the fertility clinic to get checked out, but he complied with me and followed us into mom’s doctor’s office!) What a ridiculous sight!

If my parents had been going to a fertility clinic on purpose, there is no doubt in my mind that the fertility specialist would have thought they were out of their minds! I’ll bet he would have scheduled a psychiatric consult rather than a fertility work-up! But do you realize that Scripture tells of a couple with an even more ridiculous fertility story? Add more than 25 years to this story and you have the family history of Sarah and Abraham! Sarah was 90 and Abraham was 100 when they were the proud parents of a brand new, bouncing baby boy! God performed a ridiculous miracle in the lives of Sarah and Abraham to do for them what He promised He would do. The Bible is full of God doing things that the world would deem ridiculous. Oh, the ridiculousness of God!

Friend, God can still do the ridiculous! If God decides to place life in a womb, it doesn’t matter if that womb is 42 years old! God is the giver of life! If God says there will be life, there will be life! If God chooses to conquer PCOS, endometriosis, and low sperm counts, He will! How ridiculous it may seem to believe that God can take a child conceived in a tiny village on the other side of the world, and destine that baby to be raised in your loving Christian home in the United States, to be taught of the love of Christ at your knee, and to call you Mommy, but if God calls it done, then friend, prepare your nursery! How unbelievable that even God could help you survive months or even years of waiting until His plan is made manifest in your life. But He does. He has. He is. I love the ridiculousness of God!

God is still able to do exceeding, abundantly above all you can ask, or even think to ask Him to do for you. He is still working and moving through the infertile days of your life. Trust Him through the confusing days. And look for the ridiculousness of God!


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Requests@Sarahs-Laughter.com

You Can't!

When you struggle with infertility, there are so many “can’ts” in your life! You “can’t” go on vacation with your best friend because you may ovulate while you’re gone. You “can’t” have that cup of coffee or sit in a hot tub. You “can’t” go to another baby shower. You “can’t” figure out where the money would come from for treatment. You “can’t” handle the anxiety or depression anymore. All because you “can’t” conceive!

If you have grown up in a Christian home, you have probably heard all the Bible stories from Genesis to Revelation. Jonah and the Whale. David and Goliath. Daniel in the Lions’ Den. Go ahead! Pull your Bible off the shelf and read the stories. You’ll find lots and lots of “can’ts” there too! The Bible is full of “can’ts” that were turned into “cans” by the power of God’s hand!

Don’t let these precious stories become just stories. Remember that the men and women we read about in the Bible were just that: men and women. Men like your husband. Women like you. Ordinary people who put their trust in an extraordinary God!

Think about Daniel when he was thrown in the lions’ den. Put your husband’s face to the story. What did he hear? The lions’ claws scraping the floor of the den? What did he smell? Rotting flesh of other victims? What was it like for him that night? It was common in their day for victims to be covered in lamb’s blood before being thrown into the pit with the lions. (Boy! That’ll preach!) This way the lions would more quickly devour them. Picture Daniel dripping in blood, but not blood from his veins. He stood there untouched. A man “can’t” survive a night with the lions, can he? With God, he can!

What about Joshua? He was fighting a fierce battle against the Amorites and nighttime was coming! What would happen when darkness fell? Joshua didn’t have to worry about that! He prayed and asked God to let the sun stand still--and it did! The sun and moon stopped dead in their tracks for about 24 hours and never moved an inch! The sun “can’t” stand still in the sky and not complete it’s assigned course, can it? With God, it can!

And of course, there’s Sarah! A 90 year old woman cannot conceive and give birth to a healthy child! That’s ludicrous, isn’t it! Of course it is. A woman beyond childbearing age “can’t” give birth to a baby, can she? With God, she can!

The list goes on and on!

The waters of the Red Sea “can’t” part and stand up like walls of stone, can it? With God, it can!

A man “can’t” live inside a huge fish for three days, only to be vomited up at the right place at the right time, can he? With God, he can!

A child “can’t” defeat a nine foot tall giant in battle. A virgin “can’t” conceive. Water “can’t” be turned to wine. A crowd of 5,000 “can’t” be fed with a child’s lunch. With God, they can!

Maybe you’ve heard doctors say you “can’t” conceive. Maybe you’ve heard yourself say you “can’t” take anymore. Maybe you’ve heard your spouse say he “can’t” believe in anything anymore. Maybe you’ve heard Satan tell you you “can’t” carry a baby full-term.

Friend, pour through the pages of Scripture and watch God turn all those “can’ts” into glorious “cans”! Encourage yourself and build your faith by diving into the real stories of real people with a real belief in a real God! The same God who closed the mouths of the lions, fed thousands of people with nothing more than scraps, breathed life into ancient wombs and even placed His Son in a virgin womb, is the same God who heard your prayer today. He’s the same God who knows how badly you want that baby. Our God is the same yesterday, today and forever! He is the only one who can turn all your “can’ts” into “cans”!

I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

If Only...Had It Not Been...

Moving from “If Only…” to “Had it not been…”

You stand on the sidelines of life, watching mothers soothing their crying babies as your own tears cascade down your face. You see fathers rushing their sons off to football practice as you rush back to the local fertility clinic. The parade of “if only”s march past your mind’s eye as you question every decision you’ve ever made in your efforts to have a baby.

If only I’d started treatment earlier…
If only I hadn’t taken that pain killer or gotten in that hot tub…
If only I’d married someone who wasn’t infertile…
If only I had taken better care of my body…
If only I’d served God more faithfully…
If only I would have called the doctor as soon as I started to bleed…
If only…
If only…

Journey back in time with me and let’s slip through the door of an Egyptian throne room. One very powerful man stands with tear-swollen eyes looking at 11 terrified men who are witnessing the most mind-blowing theatrics they could have ever imagined! Joseph reveals his identity to the brothers who threw him into a pit and sold him into slavery when he was just a skinny, gangly 17 year old boy. Now he’s second in command of Egypt! What would be their fate?

Joseph’s brothers stand before him trembling because they know he has the authority to do with them as he wishes. Now is the chance for him to destroy them for all the heartache they caused in his life. What was his response to them?

“Now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.” (Genesis 45:5)

And just so you don’t think that Joseph’s extension of mercy was just a momentary, emotional response, flip over to Genesis 50:20. He’s speaking to his brothers at the death of their father. They are afraid that Joseph will take revenge on them now that their father is not around to witness it. Joseph once again looks at them and says “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20)

What? Why such gracious responses? Come on! Admit it! You wanted to hear him say something like “If only you had gotten me out of the pit, I’d save you now! But you really blew it this time, buddy! Let’s see how you like prison food!” How was Joseph able to grant such mercy and grace?

It’s really quite simple. Joseph changed the “if only…”s in his life to “had it not been…”s.

Had it not been for his brothers throwing him in a pit and selling him into slavery, he would never have gotten to Egypt,.
Had it not been for Joseph being in Egypt, he would never have placed in Potiphar’s home.
Had it not been for the time he spent in Potiphar’s home, he would never have been wrongly accused of a sexual crime and thrown in prison.
Had it not been for his imprisonment, Joseph would have never met Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, whose dreams he was meant to interpret.
Had it not been for interpreting the dreams of Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, Joseph would never have been able to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams.
Had it not been for interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams, Joseph would never have risen to second in command over Egypt.
Had it not been for Joseph rising to power, he would have never been in a position to save the same family members who threw him into a pit years before.

When you reach the resolution of your infertility story, may you watch the parade of “if only…”s become a beautiful display of “had it not been…”s:

Had it not been for infertility, I would never have pursued the adoption of this precious child God ordained for my family before time began.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have learned how to communicate with my spouse the way we do now.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have known how to trust God through His silence.
Had it not been for infertility, we would not have experienced the comfort of God in great trials.
Had it not been for infertility, we would never have sought God and His will for our lives the way we have.
Had it not been…
Had it not been…

Don’t let Satan convince you that difficult situations mean God isn’t working and moving. He’s working through the celebrations. He’s working through your tears. Change the “if only…”s in your life to a marvelous parade of “had it not been…”s.

(c) 2009 Sarah’s Laughter-Christian Support for Infertility & Child Loss



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