He Missed the Whole Thing!

And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
Luke 2:7

He missed the whole thing! It happened right around him and next to him and behind him and in front of him but he still missed the whole thing. Amazing! Maybe he was too worried about the money he thought he should have been making. Maybe he was wiped out from too many people asking too many questions. Maybe he was distracted from the fight he had with his wife earlier that night. Whatever the reason--he missed the whole thing!

The innkeeper who allowed Mary & Joseph to stay in his stable the night Jesus was born was probably within a few feet of witnessing the central event of mankind, yet he missed the whole thing! He knew they were there--he allowed them to stay there. She was a scared, teenage girl wracked with the pain of labor--probably without her mother or a midwife; he was a nervous young man, wringing helpless hands and weeping as he heard the anguished, pain-filled cries of his bride as she labored to give the savior of the world birth. How could they go unnoticed to this innkeeper?

Surely he must’ve seen the wide-eyed shepherds as they flocked to his small shed. Men cannot experience a sky full of angels and come quietly! Dirty, wonder-struck shepherds falling in reverence before a tiny, hours-old infant and His exhausted teen mother had to cause quite a commotion! Imagine the bleating sheep crowding out the animals in the stable! So much for a silent night! Did the innkeeper cover his ears and turn over in his bed and wish they’d all just hush so he could sleep? He missed the whole thing!

A sky full of angels. A star above the little stable he loaned out as a labor and delivery room. The birth of the Savior who would offer him redemption from his sins. He missed it all. Never in Scripture do we read of the innkeeper falling to his knees in worship with the Magi or running through the streets to proclaim the birth of the Messiah. We see no reference of his gazing into the night sky and shielding his eyes from the amazing brightness of the star shining over his humble home. We don’t even see where he snuck around the corner and peeked in to the gathering of worshipers to see what all the ruckus was all about. The innkeeper apparently got so distracted by other happenings in his life that he missed the event that literally split time into. He missed the whole thing. What distraction cause him to miss this once in an eternity event?

Has infertility distracted you from the true meaning of Christmas? There is no doubt that infertility hurts. A lot. When you want a baby so badly, it seems that everything reminds you that everyone around you has children, yet your womb and your nursery remain silent. The sting of infertility can distract you from other important things. Don’t let infertility cause you to miss the true gift of Christmas like the innkeeper did.

No matter how beautiful the gifts are that are wrapped in brightly colored paper and ribbons and laid under your tree tonight, don’t let infertility distract from the knowledge that the most precious gift ever given to you was once wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger. As you enjoy the beautifully decorated ornaments that are hung on your Christmas tree in your home tonight, don’t let infertility cause you to forget that God’s greatest gift to you once hung on another tree and died in your place. Infertility can rob you of many things, but it cannot steal the true meaning of the greatest gift of Christmas from your heart.

I'm Dreaming of a "Why" Christmas

I’m Dreaming of a “Why” Christmas

I recently heard a little girl sweetly singing a Christmas carol to the top of her lungs. She had her angelic face tilted just perfectly, her eyes closed, and with all the gusto her 9 year old heart could muster, she belted out “I’m dreaming of a ‘why’ Christmas!” Not quite the Bing Crosby version most of us have grown up with, but perhaps the more appropriate one for those who face the holiday season with infertility.

There are so many, many “whys” during the holidays. The strong emphasis placed on family relationships during this time of year spotlights the whys your heart carries. Why can some people have babies so easily yet I am facing another year childless? Why did my baby not survive yet another chose to abort? Why does God choose to grant a healthy pregnancy to someone who calls her baby an “accident” when I have done any and every thing I can do to conceive and nothing has worked? Why? Why? Why?

Are you struggling with a “Why Christmas” this year? If so, then I encourage you to consider “Why Christmas?” Why did God give us Christmas? Imagine if you will, that an amazing miracle would occur today, and your doctor would call you and say that according to your latest test results you are perfectly pregnant. All your hormone levels are exactly as they should be and the next nine months are blissfully filled with your bulging belly and growing baby. You give birth to a perfect child and all is right with the world. You cannot believe the love your heart hold for this miracle in the flesh who has your eyes and your husband’s chin.

However, in the greatest act of love imaginable, you hand this much desired baby over to someone else! The love you hold for you baby is incomprehensible, but you know the other person will perish if you do not give them your child, and you cannot bear the thought, so with more compassion that you ever dreamed possible, you give them the gift of the baby you have desired so long. This person doesn’t even know your name, doesn’t love your baby, and really doesn’t even care that this child exists! You give your child to someone else because you know they need your baby to survive, and they don’t even realize it. They look at you as if you’ve lost your mind, and they tell you they don’t want your baby and walk away.

Can you imagine loving another person so much that you’d give your baby to them? God can.

God loves you so much, He gave His Baby to you on Christmas. He gave you His Baby because He knew you needed Him to survive. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16) He knew your heart would be filled with so many “whys” this Christmas and you needed God Emmanuel, God with you. That’s why God gave Christmas.

If your heart is filled with all the whys of infertility, and you’re dreaming of a “why Christmas”, remind yourself of why God gave us Christmas. He loves us. He gave us His Baby. God Emmanuel. God with us. God with us through the good time. God with us in the bad times. God with us at the doctor’s offices. God with us when the periods starts and the pregnancy tests are negative. God with us through the tearful nights. God with us in good times. God with us when family celebrations are too hard. He is God with us because God gave us His Son that first Christmas night. God with us to make a way for sins to be forgiven so we can be with Him for eternity.

That is why God gave us Christmas.

Infertility Bible Study!

Infertility Bible Study


It’s almost here! The last minute details are being ironed out! The final preparations are being made!

I’m not talking about Christmas! I’m talking about the Sarah’s Laughter Infertility Bible Study!

We are so very excited about this amazing adventure God is leading us on! It has been a long time in the making, and the study is almost ready. For quite some time, people have asked if we know of a quality, in-depth Bible study that focuses on infertility. The fact is there just aren’t that many out there. We feel God has led us to compile one and we are humbled and excited about it. The Word of God has much to say about the struggle a couple faces when consumed with infertility. There are helps in Scripture for the battle we face when we are consumed with jealousy when another woman gets pregnant, yet we remain childless. Anger can consume us, yet the Bible tells us what we should do to put it away from us. If your heart is heavy and sad, God understands the hurt and His Word has the balm to soothe your wounds. All of these issues and more are addressed in this Bible Study, and each lesson is directly related to infertility.

We would love to present this study to 100 people for a critique before it is offered to the general public. If you would be interested in completing the study and offering your opinion, contact us immediately. There are very few spots left on our list of 100 volunteers! Send us your name and mailing address and we will send you a hard copy the week of January 5-9, 2009.

The following is a sample of a “homework assignment” found in the Bible Study. It is only a tiny example of the practical helps you’ll find in this work.

A Little Lagniappe
Jealousy
Day 3—Practice, Practice, Practice!

List the five most difficult situations you face in regard to infertility induced jealousy:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Go back to Philippians 4:13 and fill in the blanks:

“I _________________________ do _________________________________________ through _______________________________ who _____________________________ me.”
Now, re-write this verse, replacing the words “do all things” with the five situations you’ve listed:
Here are a couple of examples for you:

“I can face another birthday without a baby through Christ who strengthens me.”

“I can maintain a relationship with my very fertile family members through Christ who strengthens me.”

I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.

I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.

I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.

I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.

I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.


Now let’s put these two blessed truths together! When you face jealousy-invoking situations along your journey through infertility, practice plugging your situation into this verse and make it a habit! Instead of ruminating on your rage and jealousy toward people at work who gripe about being pregnant, practice saying “I can face pregnant co-workers at my job today through Christ who strengthens me.” Instead of allowing infertility to destroy relationships with people you love, practice saying “I can maintain a strong, healthy, relationships with those I love through Christ who strengthens me.” Combat these negative, hurtful, jealous thoughts with the powerful, efficacious Word of God until it becomes a habit!


Remember, if you'd like to receive an advance copy of the Sarah's Laughter Infertility Bible Study at no cost to you to complete and critique, please contact us immediately at Beth@Sarahs-Laughter.com! The offer is made only to the first 100 people to sign up, and most spots are taken. Send us your name and mailing address. We are excited to join with you in this venture!

GIants on the Battlefield of Loss

Giants On The Battlefield of Loss

Everybody loves the story of David and Goliath. The giant David faced was obvious. Goliath seemed to be an insurmountable foe. But what are your giants?

Oh, your giants are there, and they are probably many! Perhaps you have had much experience on the battlefield of infertility or pregnancy loss. You’re a seasoned warrior in a battle you never intended to fight. You’ve done all you know to do to ensure success this time. But time after time, your giant stands in the way and grasps victory from your hands. Perhaps you’ve survived longer and longer each time, butit’s never been long enough for your baby to survive. Do you tremble at the thought of trying to conceive again because you simply don’t think you can survive another disappointment? The giant of Fear is threatening to destroy you. Come against the giant of Fear in the Name of the Lord! Isaiah 9:6 is your armory, where your weapon can be found! And His Name will be called…Prince of Peace. “I come against the giant of Fear in the Name of the Prince of Peace!”

Have friends and family become so uncomfortable by your tears that they have simply stopped coming around or have the invitations to family gathering suddenly disappeared? Are the giants of Loneliness and Isolation tormenting you and screaming out your name so loudly that you have begun to turn away from those you love? Come against the giants of Loneliness and Isolation with the Name of the Friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Are you collapsing at the feet of the giant called Weakness? Don’t feel like you’re strong enough to last for the duration of the conflict? Defeat the giant called Weakness with the Name of the Lord found Isaiah 26:4! You’ll see the giant of Weakness bow its knee to the Lord Jehovah, our Everlasting Strength!

But wait! There’s a giant that seems to scream more loudly and threateningly than all the rest. What about the mighty giant of Sorrow? It’s probably the largest and most powerful giant on the battlefields of miscarriage and infertility. It has defeated you time after time after time. No weapon you’ve brandished against it has accomplished much. Time after time, Sorrow comes against you. Time after time, you dissolve into a pile of tears and pain. Since you’ve begun the quest for parenthood, your heart has been blindsided with pain you never saw coming. Is there a standard to raise against this powerful warrior?

Take heart, hurting friend. Reach back into your quiver and pull out a mighty weapon! It’s found in Psalm 3:1-3:

“O LORD, how my adversaries have increased! Many are rising up against me. Many are saying of my soul, ‘There is no deliverance for him in God,’ But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head.”

Here, the same David who fought with Goliath is calling out to God at another point of conflict in his life. He’s telling God how his adversaries have increased and how so many are rising up against him that people are saying there is no help for him. Sound familiar? “I don’t guess they’ll ever get over losing that baby!” “I guess I’ll never be a grandparent!” The giant of Sorrow takes another step toward you. “The pain is so deep! The sadness is so profound! I’ll never be truly happy again!” Sorrow throws its head back and laughs at your pain!

But just as David did in the valley of Elah, join all the righteous warriors of the centuries and proclaim to the giant of Sorrow that God is a shield about you! Any fiery darts are forever extinguished when God Himself is your Shield! You may just hear Sorrow begin to take a step back! That’s not all! Is your head bowed down with despair and you can hardly lift your face to carry on with your day? Verse 3 says He is your glory and the Lifter of your Head! Come against the giant of Sorrow with the Name of God Almighty, your Shield! God Almighty, your Glory! God Almighty, the Lifter of your Head! The thundering you hear is the giant of Sorrow falling at your feet for all the armies of the world to see!


Adapted from When Love & Sorrow Embrace: The Sufficiency of God’s Grace Through the Heartache of Miscarriage, (c) 2006 Beth Forbus.

Nothing is Too Hard

Nothing is Too Hard

Is anything too difficult for the Lord?
Genesis 18:14


For nothing will be impossible with God!
Luke 1:37


In the stories of the births of Isaac and Jesus Himself we see some similarities.  Astonished parents.  Surprise.  A promised child.  But I want to point out to you a couple of very similar and wonderful statements undoubtedly proclaimed with a twinkle in the eye of the holy messenger who was honored to share it.  Go back with me to Sarah’s tent as the angel of the Lord told her at the tender young age of 89 that within one year she would finally bear the child she had craved her entire life.  What was that blessed question to the dazed octogenarian?  Is anything too difficult for the Lord? (Genesis 18:14)  I know she laughed but I can’t help but think that the angel had to at least snicker at her expression! 
 
Now jump ahead to the central event of mankind--the birth of Christ.  Look with me as a scared young girl stares an angel in the face as he tells her she is carrying the Lamb of God in her virgin womb.  What was his message to this confused young girl?  For nothing will be impossible with God! (Luke 1:37) 
 
See any similarities?  Both of these statements were uttered to reassure the mothers of children who otherwise could not have been born!  It took a miracle to breathe life into the womb of a 90-year-old woman and even more miracle working power to bring the Son of God into the human body of a virgin teenager!  I absolutely love that God placed those two Scriptures boldly screaming out through time and eternity that nothing is too difficult for God right smack dab in the middle of the accounts of these children!  Both statements were uttered in response to the conception of children!  That really speaks to me as a woman who has felt the sting of childlessness myself!
 
Let me tattoo on your heart right now--Nothing is too hard for God!  Nothing!  Hallelujah!  Endometriosis?  It’s nothing to the Great Physician!  Unexplained infertility?  Not to an all-knowing God!  Miscarriages?  Stillbirths?  God understands--remember He knows the sting of losing a Child.  His child died, too.  Adoption?  He is the original adoptive parent!  
 
Nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing is too difficult for God and He’s fighting this battle right along with you!  Disease?  He can heal!  Financially strapped?  His very Name--Jehovah Jireh--proclaims to you that He is your Provider!  Confused?  He can lead you to the right doctors or support groups!  Tired?  He can give you rest!  Barren?  He can open your womb!  We serve such a wonderful God.  I’m so glad He loves me and cares about my hurt!

A Christmas Secret

A Christmas Secret

Shh! Can you keep a secret? You can’t tell! My husband’s Christmas gift has been sitting on our kitchen counter for two weeks and he doesn’t know it! It’s wrapped up in a beautiful, decorative box that is quite ornate. The uniquely shaped box he assumes to be a new Christmas decoration is actually a gift he has been hinting for for quite some time! He walks by it every day and has no idea! He stands within inches of his present and reads the mail! I have to admit, I enjoy being a little sneaky and the thought of hidden treasures makes me smile.

Do you realize that God has hidden treasures all around you today? He understands that infertility can take a toll on your heart--especially around the holidays. He knows the burden that baby hunger brings, so He gives you an extra measure of love. He may not have placed them in brightly colored boxes on your kitchen countertops, but they are there!

Where are these hidden Christmas gifts from God? Perhaps God has given you a measure of His love in a phone call from a friend who just called to check on you after she knew you had an important doctor’s appointment. Just the fact that she cared spoke volumes to your heart! (A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.--Proverbs 25:11) Remember your pastor’s sermon that really seemed to speak to your heart? Maybe God was being a little sneaky and placed that in your pastor’s heart just for you. There are many times we receive emails telling us that a Daily Double Portion was just what someone needed for the struggle they were going through on a particular day. God had placed a hidden treasure right in front of them--right on their computer screen! Something as simple as an encouraging book you find in a Christian book store, or even a song on the radio can remind you of the love God has for you in troubling times. Perhaps you’ve never considered that encounters such as these can be more than just coincidences and could actually be hidden gifts from God to help you through this most difficult journey through infertility!

Remember when you were a little girl? Did you sneak around the house at Christmas time, trying your best to find the Christmas gifts you knew were hidden somewhere just out of sight? Why not be like that again? Look around you for the hidden treasures of God’s love.

As women who want to get pregnant we are absolute professionals at looking for signs. Every time we are in the midst of a two-week wait between ovulation day and day 28, we look for a sign we are pregnant. Could that twinge mean anything? I don’t think I feel very well today. Could that be morning sickness starting? Why not put this unintentional talent to work for you? Look for a sign that God is offering you extra encouragement today? “Could that song be God’s way of reminding me that He really is Emmanuel, God with me? He won’t leave me--even through infertility!”

God loves you. He’s passionate about you. He wants to show you His love for you. And when you find His gifts of love, I believe He smiles.

Loved

We are in the full swing of the holiday season! Choirs sing “Joy to the World”! Shoppers gleefully cram bags full of half-priced treasures into bulging car trunks and rush back into the malls to find more bargains! Decorations are hung, the air is crisp and everyone is filled with the anticipation of glad reunions with family and friends in the coming weeks.

Yet your heart is still broken. Your womb is still empty. Your world is still wrapped in infertility.

Christmas is supposed to be a time when we lay aside the heaviness of the year and celebrate family and friends. For the woman struggling with infertility, it can be the hardest time to celebrate. You really are grateful to God for the gift of His Son, but it’s hard to see pictures of mangers and babies, even if the baby is Baby Jesus. While everyone around you basks in the glow of the love of friends and family, infertility can cause you to feel alone and even sometimes unloved.

If infertility has caused you to feel unloved today, please open the pages of God’s Word today and find Ephesians 3:16-19. As you read its message, envision the writer, Paul, wrapped in chains in a prison cell, but freer than any of his captors. Hear his raspy voice, alive with passion as he locks eyes with you, looks deep into the hurt your heart carries and says to you “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

Can you hear his chains rattling as this impassioned apostle’s gestures grow more animated? And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (NIV)

Oh, hurting friend! I wish you could know how much God loves you! It’s so easy to be convinced that God has forgotten you when you have cried out for a baby for so long, yet you’re still not pregnant. The holidays seem to intensify your struggle and make you so much more sensitive to the hurt. If the enemy whispers in your ear that God doesn’t love you, remember he is the Father of lies. If he--the Father of lies--says you are unloved, that is proof positive that you are cherished and desired!

In quite a paradoxical way, I believe God can even use your infertility to show you how much He loves you. The desire you have for a child is so great. You want nothing more than to have a child to love and nurture, and to see yourself in your child’s eyes. Your greatest wish is to provide for a child and teach a child all the great lessons of life. God, your Father, has the same great desires for you, His child. He wants nothing more than to have such a relationship with you. He so wants to love and nurture you, and to see Himself in you. He wants to provide for you and to teach you. Can you see the parallels? Let these truths show you the love God has for you. You are loved and desired by God, just as a child of your own is loved and desired by your own heart, even before conception.

His love for you is wide and long and high and deep. His love surpasses knowledge! It’s so massive, it’s mind boggling and literally incomprehensible! How could we possibly understand a love that is willing to sacrifice a Child on our behalf? God’s love for you is boundless, endless, measureless, exhaustless. He understands your desire for a child and feels the same. His love for you is overwhelming--even in the midst of infertility.

Hope

Hope

What exactly is hope? Is it positive thinking? Is it the same as faith? From a Biblical standpoint, hope is something certain, as of yet unrealized. It is something you look forward to with certainty, yet you have not yet attained. It is much like a reservation in a restaurant. You get dressed for dinner, drive to the restaurant, walk in the door and tell the host or hostess your name, fully expecting that a table will be ready for you at the appointed time. You expect that the dinner you request will be prepared and served and your hunger will be satisfied. You have no doubt or reason to believe that this chain of events will not be carried out as planned. Such is hope!

Has infertility taken your hope away? No test is too difficult, no financial setback too great if you have the hope of conceiving, but if you feel hopeless in your quest for a baby, despair can set in and it is easy to throw your hands up and give in.

Do you realize God is your partner in hope? The struggle you face with infertility may cause you to question whether God is on your side or if He has forgotten you. Does He care if I conceive? Does He care if I am successful in other areas of my life? If you want to know about God and how He feels about you, turn to His Word! Dive in to the pages of the book He wrote about Himself! See what He has to say about Himself and about you. See what He has to say about hope.

For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4

Remember that Scripture is a source of great encouragement for you. God has given you His word to encourage you and give you hope! Read His word and find encouragement to help you with your battle with infertility!

'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

God’s plans for you are full of hope. Full of certainty.

Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence. Psalm 42:5

You can place your hope in God--the certainty of God. He is unwavering. Even if your circumstances change every time you have an appointment with your doctor--a new diagnosis, a different medication, more questions. Hope in God--place your confidence in the certainty of who He is, and find help in the very presence of God.

I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope. Psalm 130:5

Waiting is such a hard part of the infertility struggle. It seems as if your entire adult life has been nothing but waiting for a baby! As you wait, you can put your hope in the Lord and in His infallible word. Hope--something certain, yet unrealized. Wait for God’s perfect plan to be brought about in His perfect timing, whatever His perfect plan for your life is. Place your hope in His perfect plan for you as you wait for the Lord.

In hope against hope he (Abraham) believed, so that he might become a father of many nations according to that which had been spoken, " So shall your descendants be." Romans 4:18

Abraham gave us a beautiful example of hope as he waited for a child! He believed in hope that God would do what He said He would and give him and Sarah a baby in their old age! God came through and Isaac was born! Abraham believed with certainty that God would give him a child, and God did! (By the way--what an encouraging story for those who need God to perform a healing miracle in their physical bodies!)

For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. Romans 8:24-25
...rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer,... Romans 12:12

Keep persevering in prayer! Keep praying for God’s will for your life and your family! Thank God for the hope He gives you. 

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

It is our prayer that you will feel the peace of the Holy Spirit when you realize the hope you have from Heaven, that God is for you and not against you, and that God’s plan for your life is amazing!

Happy Thanksgiving--Again!

Happy Thanksgiving Again!

In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18


Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Philippians 4:6

Yesterday, we encouraged you to begin thinking about what you have to be thankful for, even if that list does not include a baby. We looked at things in the physical realm of our existence. Today, let’s look at the bountiful blessings God has poured on us in the spiritual realm.
I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Matthew 28:20 God promises to never leave you—even in the midst of your struggle with infertility! Be thankful that God is there.

God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1 God promises He’s your strength when you’re too weak to go on, and help for you in your trouble. Be thankful for a refuge and help.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1 God loves us! He certainly didn’t have to, but chose to! How great is His love! Be thankful for God’s love.

Grace, mercy and peace will be with us, from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth and love. 2 John 1:3 I’m so glad He gives me His grace, His mercy and His peace. I know I need it! Be thankful for grace, mercy and peace.
How about coming up with some more reasons to be thankful this Thanksgiving? The easy thing to do would be to let yourself get caught up again in your hurts and disappointments. Fight that urge to fall into a depression! Find things that you are thankful for, whether big things or small!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18


Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Philippians 4:6

Give thanks? Are you nuts? I want to give up and you want me to give thanks? For what?

Chances are that you’ve been dreading the holidays ever since the holidays were over last year. Times when families gather is supposed to be wonderful, joyous and enjoyable, but when you are struggling with infertility, the last thing you want to see is all those relatives dragging in diaper bags and the newest pictures of their little darlings. You’ve cried. You’ve prayed. You’ve hidden in closets so you don’t have to ooh and aah over the latest addition to the Thanksgiving celebration. What do you have to be thankful for?

What do you have to be thankful for?

It’s so easy to get totally consumed in your quest for a child that you forget that you truly are blessed. It’s such a vicious cycle! We get bad news and we obsess on what’s not right in our lives. The more we ponder what’s wrong, the less able we are to focus on what’s right. We get down and begin the cycle over again by obsessing on what’s wrong.

Let’s look at what’s right! God is blessing us in ways we may not think about. Here are some ideas to get you started:

With the exception of our fertility issues, most of us have healthy bodies. Few of us are attached to an oxygen mask. Let’s give thanks for the systems of our bodies that work right. 

Most of us have at least some family members and friends who love us, even if they don’t understand our fight. Even if they say stupid or hurtful things, we know they love us. Give thanks for your family and friends. 

We are blessed financially, even in the midst of tough economic times. Those of us in the United States live in the richest nation in the world. Even if you struggle financially, you have a roof over your head. None of us will starve before morning. Let’s give thanks for our finances. 

We live in the greatest country in the world. Whether you agree with how things are run or not, you live every day in freedom. When we attend mass, church services or support groups run by Christian organizations, we don’t hover in fear of someone coming in to blow our brains out. Let’s thank God for freedom!

God’s blessings are upon us! Tomorrow we’ll look at how God blesses us in the spiritual realm.

Thank God for What He WILL Do

As an act of faith, why not spend time today thanking God for what you believe He WILL do? There is no doubt you are asking Him to bless your family with a healthy baby. Thank Him for this blessing! Thank Him that He hears every prayer you pray and that He will continue to hear each prayer. Thank Him that He cares about your desire for a baby, and that He has seen every tear you have cried. Thank Him that He will continue to walk this journey with you and that He will accompany you to every doctor’s appointment, that He will stand strong beside you each time someone says something to you that hurts your heart. Thank Him that He will NEVER leave you or forsake you. Thank Him that He understands your struggle with infertility and always will.

If you have suffered the loss of a baby, thank God for His provision of an eternal reunion with the baby you have loved and lost. If you have accepted His gift of salvation, you can wholeheartedly thank Him that one day you will see your baby again, even if the only way you ever saw your baby was on a stilled sonogram screen or even a positive pregnancy test. Thank Him that He has made a way for you to be eternally reunited with your baby. No more separation. Ever. You will literally see your child’s face. You will literally stroke their hair and smell their sweet fragrance. You will hear their sweet sighs. Thank God for making a way through the sacrifice of His Baby. (If you have never accepted His give of salvation, please accept His gift today. You’ll have so much to be thankful for!)

The holidays are hard when you are suffering. God loves you and has amazing plans for you. Even if your emotions cannot line up with this truth, trust God’s character when you cannot fathom His workings, and thank Him for the wonderful plan He has for you. When you present your requests to Him, wrap them in thanksgiving and lay them before Him with full assurance that He is passionate about you, He rejoices over you with singing, and He will do what He has promised He will do.

May God bless you today as you offer thanks for what He WILL do in your life.

GIve Thanks for What God Has Done

Giving Thanks for what God has done

Remember His wonders which He has done,
His marvels and the judgments uttered by His mouth,
Psalm 105:5

O LORD, how many are Your works!
Psalm 104:24

During a season of infertility, it is easy to focus entirely on what God has not yet provided and not remember to praise Him for His mighty works. Our focus often becomes what we are asking God for, and we often forget to offer our thanks for what He has already done in our lives. Today, why not spend some time thanking Him for His wondrous works in your life? It is perfectly okay to let your requests be made known to Him. In fact, God invites you to come to Him with your pleas and calls you to come to Him with your desire for a baby. But in this season of Thanksgiving, let’s not forget to offer our thanks for the works and wonders God has done in our lives.

What has God done for you personally? Look around the room where you sit right now. Are you home? God has provided your home! Are you at work? God has given you the ability to work and make the money to provide your home. Deuteronomy 8:18 reminds us to “remember the LORD your God, for it is He who is giving you power to make wealth”. Give thanks for your home and your material belongings as well as the job you hold. These are gifts from God’s hand.

Keep looking around you. Are there pictures around you, proudly displaying loved ones who fill your life with love? Who is the wonderful spouse God has provided to share your life? Can you imagine your life without him? Give God thanks! Remember that He is the designer of marriage. He did this for you! Are there photos of parents or friends? God has granted those relationships. He doesn’t want you making life’s journey alone so He devised relationships. Give thanks for the people He has placed in your life.

What else has God done for you? Has He healed your body or someone you love? Give thanks. Has He provided for you or for someone you love? Give thanks. Has something happened that can only be described as miraculous? Give thanks. Has He cleansed your soul from sin? Though you can never, ever give thanks enough for this amazing gift, give thanks.

If your heart is heavy and you struggle to give thanks for things in your own life, open the pages of your Bible and read of God’s mighty works and give thanks. If you don’t have a Bible, go to www.BibleGateway.com. You can find the Bible on-line there.
Give thanks for God caring about infertile women--Sarah, Elizabeth, Rachel, Manoah’s wife, Hannah, Rebekah
Give thanks that He gave children to infertile women
Give thanks that He brought healing to parents grieving the death of their baby-David & Bathsheba
Give thanks that God provided financially--tax money in a fish’s mouth
Give thanks that God fought battles for people when the fight was too big for them to fight for themselves--David vs. Goliath, Gideon,--the list goes on and on!
Give thanks for Calvary
Give thanks for Heaven

Give Thanks!

Give Thanks for God Is Good

Give Thanks for God is Good

Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name. For the LORD is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations.
Psalm 100:4-5

Have you dreaded this week? This whole season? The holidays are times for families to gather together and celebrate, yet it can become difficult when infertility is the uninvited guest at the Thanksgiving table. Does a struggle with baby hunger give you a reason to put your thankfulness on the shelf this year? Can you legitimately say “I’ll be thankful next year” and not offer praise now?

We are admonished throughout Scripture to offer praise and thanksgiving to God, our Father, yet it is hard to lift praises from a broken heart. However, let me encourage you to take a step of faith and do what God calls you to do. Offer thanks to God, for He is good. God’s goodness never changes, even when your circumstances do! What comfort there is for us in that truth! When you remind yourself of God’s good rather than focusing on the hardships you are facing, it becomes a little easier to offer thanks.

Remember what the writer of Lamentations said:

Surely my soul remembers
And is bowed down within me.
This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
Lamentations 3:20-22


His life was hard! He said his flesh and bones had wasted away, he talked of bitterness and hardship and the dark places in which he had dwelt. Oh, but then he reminded himself of the Lord’s lovingkindesses, and how His compassions never fail! What happened? He found that he had hope! Ponder God’s lovingkindness and His compassion. Think about how His compassion will never fail you, even through the hurt and frustration of infertility. And offer thanks.

I’ll offer you a challenge today! Do a search on “thanksgiving” in Scripture. When you do, you’ll find something interesting. You’ll notice that many times when you find a Scripture that speaks of thanksgiving, you’ll also notice that somewhere nearby, you’ll find a Scripture speaking of God’s goodness, of His lovingkindness or His compassions. If you cannot give thanks because of the situation you are in this Thanksgiving, offer thanks for the amazing God who gives us the privilege of offering thanks for Him. If we were never blessed beyond the gift of knowing Him, we would be blessed beyond measure. Give thanks with a grateful heart for the gift of knowing God. For a moment, lay aside the hurt of infertility, and offer God thanks for His lovingkindness, His tender mercies toward you, His compassions which will never fail you, for the sacrifice of His Baby He gave you. You may just feel hope rising up within you.

Give thanks.

Would You Ever Kill Someone?

Would you kill someone?

I’m not talking about taking the life of an attacker as you are defending your own life or that of your family. I’m asking if you would ever just come right out and kill someone. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume your answer is a resounding “no”! For most of us, the idea of even hurting someone is absurd, much less taking someone’s life!

But why would you refuse to kill someone? Is it because you wouldn’t want to endure the punishment that would follow? As horrible as the punishment would be, most of us wouldn’t want to kill someone even if we knew we could escape any consequences. What is it that makes the idea of purposefully ending another person’s life so unthinkable?

A holy God handed down a commandment saying “Do not kill”. Enough said.

Do you realize this same holy God also said “Do not worry”?

Infertility places a heavy burden on your heart and your mind. You worry about whether or not you should pursue medical treatment. You worry about where the money will come from. You worry about a future without children if you are unable to conceive. You worry about a marriage placed under the strain of an empty cradle. You worry. You worry. You worry.

The same God who said “Do not kill” also said “Do not worry”.

Why does God tell you not to worry? Because He knows your future. He knows the plans He has for you, and He’s not worried. The uncertainty that infertility places before you is not puzzling to God. He knew every day of your life before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16) If His plan for you involves difficult days, He knows how to bring you through them. He also knows how to celebrate with you on joyous days. You don’t have to worry because you are never alone (Matthew 28:20), and the One who travels with you, who knows your future, is not worried.

You matter to God. God cares that your heart longs for a baby. He sees every tear that has streamed down your face when another cycle ends without a pregnancy. He understands the hurt and the frustration, yet because He is lovingly in control He can still say to you “don’t worry”.

Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
 But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith!

Luke 12:27-28



God Says "You're Welcome"

People often refer to the infertility experience as being like a roller coaster ride. Full of emotional ups and downs! At the beginning of a new cycle, your hopes rise and you can say with full faith and assurance that you know God is in control of your life and your future. You know that He will bring you through this trial in your life, and you trust Him to give you a baby however He sees fit.

Throughout the dreaded two week wait (that always feels like it lasts at least two months) you try to remain positive without letting your hopes rise too high. You know that if you’re not pregnant the fall will be devastating and the crash may be too much to take. The ups and downs are simply ridiculous! Still, you try to trust God through the uncertainty and you tell Him you’ll take whatever He has planned .

Day 28 comes. Day 29. Could this be it? Should you wait one more day before you take a home pregnancy test, or should you do it now? Is this the moment you’ve waited for all these months? Did God finally come through? Before the celebrating begins, you realize you’re right back where you started from. There’s no pregnancy, just another period. Another failed attempt. Another time God has said “no”. Another devastating “down” in this roller coaster ride of infertility.

The strong faith you held on to just days before seems to have dissipated. You’re hurt, disappointed and confused. If we could roll back the curtains of Heaven and have a face to face conversation with the Almighty, would it sound something like this?

“God, why do You allow me to hurt like this? Don’t You know how badly I want a baby? You didn’t let me conceive. I told You I trusted You. I told You I believed You. I put this in Your hands, God, and You stopped it again!”

Perhaps it’s then you would hear your Father say to you, “Child, you’re welcome.”

You’re welcome? Did God not understand you? Was there something lost along the way, or did God not understand? No, hurting friend, God didn’t misunderstand. But maybe you did.

You are reassured every time you open the Bible that God has a plan for your life that He lovingly designed specifically for you. We quote Jeremiah 29:11 as easily as we can recite our own address and phone number, but do we really believe it? I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. God tells us that He knew us before we grew inside our mother’s womb. He has us engraved on the palms of His hands. He knows you want a baby more than you want the next breath you’ll take. He also knows exactly what needs to happen for His plan to be made manifest in your life to bring about this hope and future for you. 

God knows the hurt you feel every time you face another period and pregnancy-free month. He also knows that if He allowed you to conceive a child that He has not destined for you it would be a magnanimous tragedy. What if He allowed you to get pregnant, yet His perfect plan for you was an adopted child? What if His beautiful plan for you includes a pregnancy to begin in 6 months, yet He weakened and thought, “Well, she’s begged for a baby so much, I guess I’ll give in and let her conceive a different child now. It won’t be the child I have for her, but I’m tired of hearing her beg.” God loves you more than that. He loves you enough to love you through your misunderstandings. He loves you enough to be a Father who sometimes says “no” when He knows better. He loves you enough to make you wait on Him even when you want something so badly.

Remember this: Another month without a pregnancy is not a failure. It is simply another step toward the fulfillment of God’s perfect plan for your family.

And for that, we really can be thankful.

Perseverance

Perseverance. Infertile women know all about perseverance. We remain steadfast in our desire to conceive no matter how insane our medication makes us! We keep trying to maintain our sanity no matter how many pregnant co-workers we must throw showers for! We continue to ask for grace to keep going as we press on toward the goal of finally holding that much-desired bundle of joy in our arms! Oh yes, we understand perseverance!

So could the woman with the issue of blood in Matthew 9. Boy, we could really have a conversation with her, couldn’t we? Just like us, her body betrayed her too. She had gone to doctor after doctor and none could help her. She had spent every penny she had, yet the blood continued to flow. (Are you feeling a connection with her yet?) She tried everything she knew to try, yet nothing had worked to correct the faultiness of her body. Yet something in her pressed her to persevere.

Perhaps it was the excitement in the air when she heard Jesus was passing through her community that drew her to the streets that day. Maybe it was desperation. She may have been at the end of her rope and just tired of suffering for so long. Whatever the catalyst, something spurred this woman on to force her way through a bustling crowd of people to get to where Jesus was. She was certainly not welcomed among the throngs of mothers and children. Shunned at family gatherings and avoided by peers, it must have been uncomfortable for her to even show up, much less shove people out of her way. She knew she had one last chance and she had to make it count. She had to persevere one more time.

She must have begun crawling toward Jesus. She crept this way, and then that. Everyone was looking over the person’s shoulders in front of them, and no one thought to look down! If they felt her brush against their knees, they assumed she was a child or an animal and for once, didn’t even bother to move away! Oh, it was difficult, but she was making ground. Jesus wasn’t moving too swiftly, and He’d stop to talk to people, so she’d surely be able to catch up with Him. She didn’t know what she’d do when she made her way to Him, she just knew she had to get to Him. She’d figure out the rest when she got there.

Her body was weakening. She didn’t know how much further she could go. Only a little further. Keep going! He’s within reach. “If I could just touch His cloak, I know I’ll be healed!”. With one final surge of strength, she pushed her worn body out as far as she could reach as her finger tips brushed the fringes of His garment, her exhausted flesh fell to the dusty ground with a thud.

“Who touched Me?”

The crowd stopped moving, and the whispering began. “What does He mean? A lot of people were touching Him. Many people were reaching for Him. What does He want to know?”

He asked again. “Who touched Me?” She knew. She knew He was talking about her. Taking a deep breath, she began to rise to her feet. For the first time in years, the trembling in her body was from excitement rather than weakness. “It was me.”

You could hear the gasps throughout the crowd when they saw this societal reject approach Jesus and take center stage in this mind boggling event. Who did she think she was to touch Jesus? She better get ready for a tongue lashing!

“Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”

For the first time in 12 years, no bleeding. No weakness. No need to hide, no need to feel different. No need to wonder if God cared. No need to listen to nay-sayers who said to give up and accept that her suffering was God’s plan. She persevered and her faith survived.

I’m sure you can relate to this woman at the beginning of her story. Her body betrayed her. She was an outcast in her society. Her struggle seemed to last forever. Doctor after doctor scratched their heads in bewilderment and all her money was gone. I hope you can relate to her perseverance in the face of on-going struggle.

If you fear that it makes no difference if you continue to pray for a baby, remember this woman and persevere in your prayer life. If you wonder if you are being foolish to continue to believe God for a miracle, remember this woman and hear Jesus say to your heart, “Daughter, your faith has healed you.” If you persevere, eventually your fingers will brush the fringes of His garment. Your life will change and you’ll never be the same.

Spared

After a difficult struggle with infertility that involved much medical intervention, God blessed my husband and me with a beautiful daughter, for whom we are eternally grateful. Never a day goes by that we are not breathlessly aware of His amazing gift of her. When she was four years old, we returned to our physician in an attempt to conceive again. Nothing happened. More surgery, more rounds of medications, more procedures. Nothing. We decided to lay down the attempts at a biological child and pursue the miracle of adoption.

After prayerful consideration, we decided we would adopt from Russia. The Russian people had always been so intriguing to me and it just felt right. We contacted a reputable adoption agency, were quickly accepted and began the never-ending mountains of paperwork--in English and in Russian! Nothing happened. Our dossier was completed. Months passed. Nothing. A year passed. Suddenly everything felt wrong. We decided to change courses again.

We began to look into domestic adoption. We didn’t really understand why we felt the way we did. We had prayed over every step we took. We believed God lead us back to the fertility clinic, but then we believe He lead us away. We believed He lead us to pursue a Russian adoption but felt just as strongly that He was leading us to lay it down as well. Would He lead us to complete a domestic adoption or would He ask us to stop this as well?

We went through the process, filled out more mounds of paperwork and began yet another waiting process. We were assured that our profile would be quickly chosen by a birthmother and that our family would soon be complete. After another year, we were told that our documents were never even looked at by birthmothers. We were never even considered. It was then that we decided to lay down our attempts to adopt. Our family would be complete as it was. For the first time, we felt completely at peace.

Several years later, my husband was praying as he was driving to work. He wasn’t praying about having more children or adopting a child. We had resolved those issues and remained at peace about it. However, God spoke to him and he said he knew God was speaking about not giving us more children. “I’ve spared you from a greater sorrow,” God said to my husband.

We thought we wanted more children. We thought our family was not complete and we thought we knew what we needed to do. We pursued every avenue we could to bring more children into our home. God, in His wisdom and love, put up roadblocks at every turn! God spared us from a sorrow greater than not having a house full of children. True, I always thought I wanted a large family. What I didn’t want was a large family of children who would not love and serve God. Perhaps He looked down through time and eternity and saw that my children would not have served Him, so He spared me--and them--that sorrow. Perhaps my heart couldn’t take the heartbreak of miscarriage. He spared me that sorrow. I am eternally grateful for the sorrow He has spared me.

What if we had dug our heels in the mud? What if we had forced our will over His like Sarah did in the Old Testament? No longer trusting in the promises given by God, Sarah approached Abraham with her own plan and orchestrated the events that eventually lead to the birth of a child borne to Abraham and Sarah’s maid, Hagar. Oh, the chaos that ensued! The women hated each other, the mother and child were banished to the dessert and there is fighting in the Middle East to this very day because of the birth of this child, Ishmael. What if Sarah had let God work His plan in her life rather than getting ahead of Him? What if she had waited a little while longer rather than deciding she knew the future better than the One who had written her future?

You may not understand the road He leads you down. Perhaps God is sparing you from greater sorrow. You may think you know what you want and need. God knows the intricacies of your future more than you ever could. He knows what you need and knows when you need it. Even if your heart is hurting, consider that God may be sparing you from greater sorrow. Roadblocks may just be His way of loving you and sparing you from great pain. Only eternity will tell how much sorrow He has protected you from. Trust His plan and His love for you, even if His plan involves a few roadblocks and setbacks. It may just be His way of sparing you from greater sorrow.

Blind Roosters

"...your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."

Matthew 6:8b

And in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.

Psalm 139:16

I saw a humorous television commercial the other day in which a woman told her husband that she wanted sleep like they did before their rooster went blind.  The rooster knew it was born to "cock-a-doodle-doo", but because of his blindness, he couldn't tell when the sun rose each morning.  Therefore, he would crow at all hours of the day AND night!  There must have been lots of sleepless nights around this blind rooster!

Surely you have felt like a blind rooster at some point in your dealings with infertility.  You KNOW you are meant to be a mother.  You have nurturing ability beyond description.  You were born to pour your life into someone else and make a difference in their life.  The problem is that you're a blind rooster!  Because of the blindness of infertility, you cannot see how to release these gifts and talents without a child.  You cannot fathom a suitable outlet for the loving and nurturing you hold in your heart.  This frustration has brought you countless sleepless nights as well.

It's not just that you WANT to nurture and heal hurts.  You NEED to.  It's not just that you WANT to guide and shape the next generation.  You're going to explode if you can't!  Do you realize that God knows what you have need of before you do?  Long before you ever realized you had a problem with fertility, God knew He had placed these beautiful traits in you.  He's known your blueprint for a long time!  He also knew the aggravation and irritation infertility would bring you.  Here's the good news.  He knows just how to provide an outlet for you to release these gifts He has give you--even as you wait for a child.

Leah is a woman with a tender heart who cares deeply about the people God has placed in her path.  Because of her career as a social worker, Leah comes into contact with hurting, scared people almost daily.  Some may look at her life and think God has quite a sense of humor!  In spite of her struggle with infertility, He has called her to work in a home for unwed mothers! Leah, without a child of her own, loves and offers guidance to young girls who find themselves in unwanted pregnancies!  In fact, Leah recently accompanied one of her young charges into the delivery room, placed cool cloths on her forehead, held her hand through labor and comforted her through her fear.  With Leah, "love really is an action verb!

Through this very unique situation, God provided Leah with an outlet to nurture.  Quite honestly, she took the role of "mother" to this troubled teenage girl who had no one else.  While she has not yet been given the opportunity to take care of her own child, God--in His infinite wisdom--placed Leah at the right place at the right time, and gave her the grace to take care of someone else's child.  While accompanying an unwed teen into the labor/delivery room is not most infertile women's idea of God's providing a way to meet their needs, it was the perfect way for God to meet Leah's needs.

How has God met your specific, unique need to nurture?  Perhaps you keep the nursery at church or tach a class of rambunctious eight year olds on Wednesday nights. Do you pour love and affection on your nieces or nephews or your friend's children?  Does your heart yearn to wrap your arms around the lonely widow sitting alone on her porch day after day?  If you cannot see how He's working to meet your needs, ask Him to show you.  He's incredibly creative!  He may just surprise you!

May God bless you as you "cock-a-doodle-doo"!

Will you pray for my friend?

We are asking for prayer for a precious friend of Sarah's Laughter.  Her name is Rene and she is 20 1/2 weeks pregnant with twin girls.  This pregnancy has been such as blessing as Rene has experienced such sorrow in trying to having children.  In 2007, she suffered three devastating miscarriages.  She has been so thrilled with this pregnancy, as all has been going beautifully.  Until last Tuesday.

When Rene went for her doctor's appointment on June 10, they found a terrible situation.  Rene's body is "rejecting the pregnancy" and without a definitive miracle from God's hand, the doctors give the baby girls almost no chance for survival.

Rene's babies need to stay in the womb until at least 28 weeks of pregnancy to have a decent chance of survival without profound physical problems.  Rene is 54 days away from being 28 weeks pregnant.  We want to find 54 people who will commit to making Rene a focus of their prayers for one day.  That way, Rene will know that someone is specifically praying for the survival of her babies every single day until they reach viability.  When Rene reaches 28 weeks, we can continue this prayer list as we need to.

Would you consider taking a day to be Rene's prayer partner?  Sarah's Laughter will contact you the night before, reminding you of your day to pray and also updating you on the situation so that you will know specifically how to pray.  If you would like to join with Sarah's Laughter in praying for Rene and her babies, simply respond to this blog with a comment and we'll let you know what day to cover.  Of course, if there is a specific day you'd like to take, let us know and we'll put you down for that day.  Also, feel free to forward this to anyone you know who would be willing to commit to pray for Rene for a day.

We are believing God for magnificent results in the lives of this family.  Thank you so much for joining with us in effectual, fervent prayer for the lives of these precious, much desired baby girls.

In His Service, MA, BCCC

Sarah's Laughter

Christian Support for Infertility & Child Loss

www.Sarahs-Laughter.com