Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:16
After a quite intense battle with infertility, God blessed my husband and me with a daughter. We see Him in her every day of her life, and could never express the gratitude our hearts hold for His indescribable gift.
When she was two years old, Lexie had a seizure. We were visiting with my parents who lived smack dab in the middle of a national forest, and were about 45 minutes from the nearest hospital. Since she had not been feeling well that day, my husband slept in one bed and I put Lexie in the bed with me. About 4 AM my bed began to shake as if we were in the throws of a major earthquake! I flipped the lamp on to see this miracle baby God had given me with her eyes rolled in the back of her head and her entire body violently thrashing in every direction all at once!
I immediately grabbed her in my arms and began to run through the house alerting my family. I banged on the wall to wake my husband and headed for my parents’ bedroom. When I got to their room, I slammed the door open, threw my seizing baby on my parents’ bed and screamed “Daddy, pray! Lexie’s having a seizure!”
Before they could shake the sleep from their minds, both of my parents, my husband and I were crying out to God in a way I never had before. I could not even begin to think that God would grant us the miracle of this child after fighting infertility like we did, and then lose her to a seizure in the middle of the night. We called on God with amazing fervency, and He heard our cries. God brought my daughter through the seizure that night, and she has never had another one. To God be the glory!
I share this story with you, because I think there is a great truth for you to learn in your struggle with infertility. In the moments when I realized we had a major problem on our hands, the first thing I did was wake my husband and run to my parents room. I called out to my dad to begin praying. (My dad was a pastor for nearly 60 years. It seemed the natural thing for me to call his name, although I knew my mom and husband would pray just as fervently, and they did!) Do you think I knocked on the door? Do you think I stood at the door to their bedroom with my seizing baby in my arms and wondered if it was okay for me to disturb their sleep? Should I have called someone else down the street who might still be awake? Of course not! I burst through my father’s door, threw my sick baby on the bed and cried out for help.
This is a great example of what God tells us to do when we need His help! Hebrews 4:16 says:
Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
God invites us to come to Him to receive mercy and grace in our time of need. The words “draw near with confidence” literally mean “come recklessly unannounced”! God tells us to come recklessly unannounced into His throne room to find the help we need! The night of the seizure, I didn’t wait to be invited before I burst into my father’s room. I didn’t ask someone else to go there for me. I didn’t wonder if he’d be mad for me waking him up, or if he would refuse to help me pray. I didn’t have to. He’s my father, and I’m his child. That’s all the authority I needed to burst through his door recklessly unannounced.
Burst into God’s throne room recklessly unannounced to find help when you need it. When you feel like you can’t take this struggle anymore, go recklessly unannounced to your Father and cry out for help. He won’t turn you away. When another period starts, or you and your spouse just can’t agree on what steps to take next, cry out to your Father and approach Him recklessly unannounced! Bring your hurt and your problem to Him and cast it on Him. He knows how heavy the burden of infertility is for you. He’ll respond to the cry of His child with grace and mercy to help you in your time of need.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The Ridiculousness of God
Oh, I wish you could have been with me yesterday! Every single one of you! I know that infertility is so hard and can drain you of your sense of humor. You can sometime use a laugh! You would have gotten a chuckle if you could have followed me yesterday! You see, I took my 73 year old mother to the doctor and my 79 year old dad tagged along. (Don’t see the humor yet? Hang on!) The appointment was with a new doctor and we were not quite sure where the office was, but figured we’d just follow the signs once we got close. When we got to the appropriate floor of the physicians’ tower, my parents stepped off the elevator and began “confidently” heading straight toward the office of an infertility clinic! It was the funniest sight! A duo of septuagenarians, wrinkles, gray hair, one with an artificial knee and one with a walker, determinedly headed for fertility center! What if the fertility staff had looked out the door? What would they have thought? “Hey doc! Don’t plan on going to lunch today! You’ve got a doozy of a case coming this way!” We all laughed when I pointed out the sign over the door where they were headed as I quickly steered them toward the much more appropriate office. (I think I heard my dad say something about just popping into the fertility clinic to get checked out, but he complied with me and followed us into mom’s doctor’s office!) What a ridiculous sight!
If my parents had been going to a fertility clinic on purpose, there is no doubt in my mind that the fertility specialist would have thought they were out of their minds! I’ll bet he would have scheduled a psychiatric consult rather than a fertility work-up! But do you realize that Scripture tells of a couple with an even more ridiculous fertility story? Add more than 25 years to this story and you have the family history of Sarah and Abraham! Sarah was 90 and Abraham was 100 when they were the proud parents of a brand new, bouncing baby boy! God performed a ridiculous miracle in the lives of Sarah and Abraham to do for them what He promised He would do. The Bible is full of God doing things that the world would deem ridiculous. Oh, the ridiculousness of God!
Friend, God can still do the ridiculous! If God decides to place life in a womb, it doesn’t matter if that womb is 42 years old! God is the giver of life! If God says there will be life, there will be life! If God chooses to conquer PCOS, endometriosis, and low sperm counts, He will! How ridiculous it may seem to believe that God can take a child conceived in a tiny village on the other side of the world, and destine that baby to be raised in your loving Christian home in the United States, to be taught of the love of Christ at your knee, and to call you Mommy, but if God calls it done, then friend, prepare your nursery! How unbelievable that even God could help you survive months or even years of waiting until His plan is made manifest in your life. But He does. He has. He is. I love the ridiculousness of God!
God is still able to do exceeding, abundantly above all you can ask, or even think to ask Him to do for you. He is still working and moving through the infertile days of your life. Trust Him through the confusing days. And look for the ridiculousness of God!
Submit a prayer request or join the Sarah's Laughter Prayer Team at
Requests@Sarahs-Laughter.com
If my parents had been going to a fertility clinic on purpose, there is no doubt in my mind that the fertility specialist would have thought they were out of their minds! I’ll bet he would have scheduled a psychiatric consult rather than a fertility work-up! But do you realize that Scripture tells of a couple with an even more ridiculous fertility story? Add more than 25 years to this story and you have the family history of Sarah and Abraham! Sarah was 90 and Abraham was 100 when they were the proud parents of a brand new, bouncing baby boy! God performed a ridiculous miracle in the lives of Sarah and Abraham to do for them what He promised He would do. The Bible is full of God doing things that the world would deem ridiculous. Oh, the ridiculousness of God!
Friend, God can still do the ridiculous! If God decides to place life in a womb, it doesn’t matter if that womb is 42 years old! God is the giver of life! If God says there will be life, there will be life! If God chooses to conquer PCOS, endometriosis, and low sperm counts, He will! How ridiculous it may seem to believe that God can take a child conceived in a tiny village on the other side of the world, and destine that baby to be raised in your loving Christian home in the United States, to be taught of the love of Christ at your knee, and to call you Mommy, but if God calls it done, then friend, prepare your nursery! How unbelievable that even God could help you survive months or even years of waiting until His plan is made manifest in your life. But He does. He has. He is. I love the ridiculousness of God!
God is still able to do exceeding, abundantly above all you can ask, or even think to ask Him to do for you. He is still working and moving through the infertile days of your life. Trust Him through the confusing days. And look for the ridiculousness of God!
Submit a prayer request or join the Sarah's Laughter Prayer Team at
Requests@Sarahs-Laughter.com
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
You Can't!
When you struggle with infertility, there are so many “can’ts” in your life! You “can’t” go on vacation with your best friend because you may ovulate while you’re gone. You “can’t” have that cup of coffee or sit in a hot tub. You “can’t” go to another baby shower. You “can’t” figure out where the money would come from for treatment. You “can’t” handle the anxiety or depression anymore. All because you “can’t” conceive!
If you have grown up in a Christian home, you have probably heard all the Bible stories from Genesis to Revelation. Jonah and the Whale. David and Goliath. Daniel in the Lions’ Den. Go ahead! Pull your Bible off the shelf and read the stories. You’ll find lots and lots of “can’ts” there too! The Bible is full of “can’ts” that were turned into “cans” by the power of God’s hand!
Don’t let these precious stories become just stories. Remember that the men and women we read about in the Bible were just that: men and women. Men like your husband. Women like you. Ordinary people who put their trust in an extraordinary God!
Think about Daniel when he was thrown in the lions’ den. Put your husband’s face to the story. What did he hear? The lions’ claws scraping the floor of the den? What did he smell? Rotting flesh of other victims? What was it like for him that night? It was common in their day for victims to be covered in lamb’s blood before being thrown into the pit with the lions. (Boy! That’ll preach!) This way the lions would more quickly devour them. Picture Daniel dripping in blood, but not blood from his veins. He stood there untouched. A man “can’t” survive a night with the lions, can he? With God, he can!
What about Joshua? He was fighting a fierce battle against the Amorites and nighttime was coming! What would happen when darkness fell? Joshua didn’t have to worry about that! He prayed and asked God to let the sun stand still--and it did! The sun and moon stopped dead in their tracks for about 24 hours and never moved an inch! The sun “can’t” stand still in the sky and not complete it’s assigned course, can it? With God, it can!
And of course, there’s Sarah! A 90 year old woman cannot conceive and give birth to a healthy child! That’s ludicrous, isn’t it! Of course it is. A woman beyond childbearing age “can’t” give birth to a baby, can she? With God, she can!
The list goes on and on!
The waters of the Red Sea “can’t” part and stand up like walls of stone, can it? With God, it can!
A man “can’t” live inside a huge fish for three days, only to be vomited up at the right place at the right time, can he? With God, he can!
A child “can’t” defeat a nine foot tall giant in battle. A virgin “can’t” conceive. Water “can’t” be turned to wine. A crowd of 5,000 “can’t” be fed with a child’s lunch. With God, they can!
Maybe you’ve heard doctors say you “can’t” conceive. Maybe you’ve heard yourself say you “can’t” take anymore. Maybe you’ve heard your spouse say he “can’t” believe in anything anymore. Maybe you’ve heard Satan tell you you “can’t” carry a baby full-term.
Friend, pour through the pages of Scripture and watch God turn all those “can’ts” into glorious “cans”! Encourage yourself and build your faith by diving into the real stories of real people with a real belief in a real God! The same God who closed the mouths of the lions, fed thousands of people with nothing more than scraps, breathed life into ancient wombs and even placed His Son in a virgin womb, is the same God who heard your prayer today. He’s the same God who knows how badly you want that baby. Our God is the same yesterday, today and forever! He is the only one who can turn all your “can’ts” into “cans”!
I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
If you have grown up in a Christian home, you have probably heard all the Bible stories from Genesis to Revelation. Jonah and the Whale. David and Goliath. Daniel in the Lions’ Den. Go ahead! Pull your Bible off the shelf and read the stories. You’ll find lots and lots of “can’ts” there too! The Bible is full of “can’ts” that were turned into “cans” by the power of God’s hand!
Don’t let these precious stories become just stories. Remember that the men and women we read about in the Bible were just that: men and women. Men like your husband. Women like you. Ordinary people who put their trust in an extraordinary God!
Think about Daniel when he was thrown in the lions’ den. Put your husband’s face to the story. What did he hear? The lions’ claws scraping the floor of the den? What did he smell? Rotting flesh of other victims? What was it like for him that night? It was common in their day for victims to be covered in lamb’s blood before being thrown into the pit with the lions. (Boy! That’ll preach!) This way the lions would more quickly devour them. Picture Daniel dripping in blood, but not blood from his veins. He stood there untouched. A man “can’t” survive a night with the lions, can he? With God, he can!
What about Joshua? He was fighting a fierce battle against the Amorites and nighttime was coming! What would happen when darkness fell? Joshua didn’t have to worry about that! He prayed and asked God to let the sun stand still--and it did! The sun and moon stopped dead in their tracks for about 24 hours and never moved an inch! The sun “can’t” stand still in the sky and not complete it’s assigned course, can it? With God, it can!
And of course, there’s Sarah! A 90 year old woman cannot conceive and give birth to a healthy child! That’s ludicrous, isn’t it! Of course it is. A woman beyond childbearing age “can’t” give birth to a baby, can she? With God, she can!
The list goes on and on!
The waters of the Red Sea “can’t” part and stand up like walls of stone, can it? With God, it can!
A man “can’t” live inside a huge fish for three days, only to be vomited up at the right place at the right time, can he? With God, he can!
A child “can’t” defeat a nine foot tall giant in battle. A virgin “can’t” conceive. Water “can’t” be turned to wine. A crowd of 5,000 “can’t” be fed with a child’s lunch. With God, they can!
Maybe you’ve heard doctors say you “can’t” conceive. Maybe you’ve heard yourself say you “can’t” take anymore. Maybe you’ve heard your spouse say he “can’t” believe in anything anymore. Maybe you’ve heard Satan tell you you “can’t” carry a baby full-term.
Friend, pour through the pages of Scripture and watch God turn all those “can’ts” into glorious “cans”! Encourage yourself and build your faith by diving into the real stories of real people with a real belief in a real God! The same God who closed the mouths of the lions, fed thousands of people with nothing more than scraps, breathed life into ancient wombs and even placed His Son in a virgin womb, is the same God who heard your prayer today. He’s the same God who knows how badly you want that baby. Our God is the same yesterday, today and forever! He is the only one who can turn all your “can’ts” into “cans”!
I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
If Only...Had It Not Been...
Moving from “If Only…” to “Had it not been…”
You stand on the sidelines of life, watching mothers soothing their crying babies as your own tears cascade down your face. You see fathers rushing their sons off to football practice as you rush back to the local fertility clinic. The parade of “if only”s march past your mind’s eye as you question every decision you’ve ever made in your efforts to have a baby.
If only I’d started treatment earlier…
If only I hadn’t taken that pain killer or gotten in that hot tub…
If only I’d married someone who wasn’t infertile…
If only I had taken better care of my body…
If only I’d served God more faithfully…
If only I would have called the doctor as soon as I started to bleed…
If only…
If only…
Journey back in time with me and let’s slip through the door of an Egyptian throne room. One very powerful man stands with tear-swollen eyes looking at 11 terrified men who are witnessing the most mind-blowing theatrics they could have ever imagined! Joseph reveals his identity to the brothers who threw him into a pit and sold him into slavery when he was just a skinny, gangly 17 year old boy. Now he’s second in command of Egypt! What would be their fate?
Joseph’s brothers stand before him trembling because they know he has the authority to do with them as he wishes. Now is the chance for him to destroy them for all the heartache they caused in his life. What was his response to them?
“Now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.” (Genesis 45:5)
And just so you don’t think that Joseph’s extension of mercy was just a momentary, emotional response, flip over to Genesis 50:20. He’s speaking to his brothers at the death of their father. They are afraid that Joseph will take revenge on them now that their father is not around to witness it. Joseph once again looks at them and says “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20)
What? Why such gracious responses? Come on! Admit it! You wanted to hear him say something like “If only you had gotten me out of the pit, I’d save you now! But you really blew it this time, buddy! Let’s see how you like prison food!” How was Joseph able to grant such mercy and grace?
It’s really quite simple. Joseph changed the “if only…”s in his life to “had it not been…”s.
Had it not been for his brothers throwing him in a pit and selling him into slavery, he would never have gotten to Egypt,.
Had it not been for Joseph being in Egypt, he would never have placed in Potiphar’s home.
Had it not been for the time he spent in Potiphar’s home, he would never have been wrongly accused of a sexual crime and thrown in prison.
Had it not been for his imprisonment, Joseph would have never met Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, whose dreams he was meant to interpret.
Had it not been for interpreting the dreams of Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, Joseph would never have been able to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams.
Had it not been for interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams, Joseph would never have risen to second in command over Egypt.
Had it not been for Joseph rising to power, he would have never been in a position to save the same family members who threw him into a pit years before.
When you reach the resolution of your infertility story, may you watch the parade of “if only…”s become a beautiful display of “had it not been…”s:
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have pursued the adoption of this precious child God ordained for my family before time began.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have learned how to communicate with my spouse the way we do now.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have known how to trust God through His silence.
Had it not been for infertility, we would not have experienced the comfort of God in great trials.
Had it not been for infertility, we would never have sought God and His will for our lives the way we have.
Had it not been…
Had it not been…
Don’t let Satan convince you that difficult situations mean God isn’t working and moving. He’s working through the celebrations. He’s working through your tears. Change the “if only…”s in your life to a marvelous parade of “had it not been…”s.
(c) 2009 Sarah’s Laughter-Christian Support for Infertility & Child Loss
Submit a prayer request or join the Sarah's Laughter Prayer Team at
Requests@Sarahs-Laughter.com
You stand on the sidelines of life, watching mothers soothing their crying babies as your own tears cascade down your face. You see fathers rushing their sons off to football practice as you rush back to the local fertility clinic. The parade of “if only”s march past your mind’s eye as you question every decision you’ve ever made in your efforts to have a baby.
If only I’d started treatment earlier…
If only I hadn’t taken that pain killer or gotten in that hot tub…
If only I’d married someone who wasn’t infertile…
If only I had taken better care of my body…
If only I’d served God more faithfully…
If only I would have called the doctor as soon as I started to bleed…
If only…
If only…
Journey back in time with me and let’s slip through the door of an Egyptian throne room. One very powerful man stands with tear-swollen eyes looking at 11 terrified men who are witnessing the most mind-blowing theatrics they could have ever imagined! Joseph reveals his identity to the brothers who threw him into a pit and sold him into slavery when he was just a skinny, gangly 17 year old boy. Now he’s second in command of Egypt! What would be their fate?
Joseph’s brothers stand before him trembling because they know he has the authority to do with them as he wishes. Now is the chance for him to destroy them for all the heartache they caused in his life. What was his response to them?
“Now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.” (Genesis 45:5)
And just so you don’t think that Joseph’s extension of mercy was just a momentary, emotional response, flip over to Genesis 50:20. He’s speaking to his brothers at the death of their father. They are afraid that Joseph will take revenge on them now that their father is not around to witness it. Joseph once again looks at them and says “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20)
What? Why such gracious responses? Come on! Admit it! You wanted to hear him say something like “If only you had gotten me out of the pit, I’d save you now! But you really blew it this time, buddy! Let’s see how you like prison food!” How was Joseph able to grant such mercy and grace?
It’s really quite simple. Joseph changed the “if only…”s in his life to “had it not been…”s.
Had it not been for his brothers throwing him in a pit and selling him into slavery, he would never have gotten to Egypt,.
Had it not been for Joseph being in Egypt, he would never have placed in Potiphar’s home.
Had it not been for the time he spent in Potiphar’s home, he would never have been wrongly accused of a sexual crime and thrown in prison.
Had it not been for his imprisonment, Joseph would have never met Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, whose dreams he was meant to interpret.
Had it not been for interpreting the dreams of Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, Joseph would never have been able to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams.
Had it not been for interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams, Joseph would never have risen to second in command over Egypt.
Had it not been for Joseph rising to power, he would have never been in a position to save the same family members who threw him into a pit years before.
When you reach the resolution of your infertility story, may you watch the parade of “if only…”s become a beautiful display of “had it not been…”s:
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have pursued the adoption of this precious child God ordained for my family before time began.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have learned how to communicate with my spouse the way we do now.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have known how to trust God through His silence.
Had it not been for infertility, we would not have experienced the comfort of God in great trials.
Had it not been for infertility, we would never have sought God and His will for our lives the way we have.
Had it not been…
Had it not been…
Don’t let Satan convince you that difficult situations mean God isn’t working and moving. He’s working through the celebrations. He’s working through your tears. Change the “if only…”s in your life to a marvelous parade of “had it not been…”s.
(c) 2009 Sarah’s Laughter-Christian Support for Infertility & Child Loss
Submit a prayer request or join the Sarah's Laughter Prayer Team at
Requests@Sarahs-Laughter.com
Monday, January 26, 2009
Scars
Scars
During a period of time prior to my marriage when I was trying to flaunt my independence, I decided I could handle everything entirely on my own. I was moving from one apartment to another and would not allow anyone to help me load furniture. I was going to load the glass top of my kitchen table into the back seat of my small Honda Accord and take it to my new apartment--all by myself! I carried it down a flight of stairs and made it to the parking lot, but when I got to my car, I realized the door was locked. I propped the glass table top on my foot to dig my keys out of my pocket, and was quite proud of my progress thus far! I got my door unlocked and began to gently slide the huge piece of glass into the back seat when everything--including the glass--fell apart! Apparently, I bumped the edge of the glass on the inside of the door frame at the just the right--or just the wrong--angle and CRRRRACK!!!!!!! The huge piece of glass split right down the middle! The oval shaped table top immediately became two gigantic shards of glass and one sliced the inside of my right wrist open like a hot knife through a stick of butter! The parking lot must’ve looked like a crime scene to the apartment dwellers who came home later that evening as there was broken glass and pools of blood everywhere! (In an odd twist, I was working as a counselor in a psychiatric hospital at the time and had to conduct counseling sessions with my wrist bandaged! It took a great deal of explanation at work before I was allowed to do my job!)
Many years have passed since my stubborn encounter with foolishness and glass table tops, yet I still carry a scar on the inside of my right wrist. It has faded with time, but it is still there. Sometimes when I notice that scar, I laugh a little when I remember how silly it was of me to not allow anyone to help me. Sometimes I remember how awkward it was to try to explain the injury to my employer. Nevertheless, no matter what I remember when I see the scar, I always know the wound is healed.
There is no doubt your infertility has caused scars. Some may be physical scars from surgeries you’ve endured in an attempt to correct the failures of a faulty reproductive system. The more painful wounds are the invisible ones--the scars on your wounded heart. Maybe some scars are old, some are more recent. Does your heart bear the scars of hurtful words, spoken out of ignorance, but injuring just the same? Another birthday without a baby cuts like a knife. Baby shower invitations make scars like paper cuts across the surface of your heart. Perhaps your scars run deeper. Have your heart and soul been wounded by the loss of your precious baby? What do you remember when you see the scars infertility has tattooed on your heart?
The Bible is an amazing love story to each of us who has ever felt the sting of baby hunger. It is the Word of a God who fully understands what it feels like to want a child to come into His family. He also understands what the death of a child feels like. Remember, His Child died too. If you are nursing wounds today, and you carry scars from infertility’s hand, please allow me the privilege of sharing a couple of passages of Scriptures with you. Psalm 34:18 says The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. If you are hurting because your womb and nursery remain silent, know that God is near. When you feel you will collapse under the weight of an empty cradle, envision the God of the universe rushing to your side to bear the weight for you . Psalm 147:3 says “He (the Lord) heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” If you feel wounded by infertility today, know that the Lord is working to bind your wounds. The Great Physician takes His place at your bedside to brush away your tears and bind your wounds. Even if you cannot sense His presence, God promises to be near to you, ever working, ever binding the wounds, ever healing the hurts of His child.
There’s an interesting thing about scars. When you look at them, what do you see? You can see a scar as a reminder that you’ve been wounded, or you can see them as a reminder that you’ve been healed. You can remember the hurt and the pain of the injury that caused the scar, or you can remember the healing and the restoration you’ve experienced. How will you choose to look at the scars of infertility? Will you choose to remember all the hurtful days and nights when tears flooded your face and your arms were achingly empty, or will you choose to remember that God Himself walked beside you through each and every experience? Will you choose to allow infertility to cause a chasm to grow between you and God, or will you choose to allow this difficult season to be the catalyst for a stronger relationship between you and the One who truly understands the hurts your heart carries? Your scars can be a magnificent vehicle for your testimony of healing to another who comes behind you bearing similar scars.
What will you remember when you view your scars?
During a period of time prior to my marriage when I was trying to flaunt my independence, I decided I could handle everything entirely on my own. I was moving from one apartment to another and would not allow anyone to help me load furniture. I was going to load the glass top of my kitchen table into the back seat of my small Honda Accord and take it to my new apartment--all by myself! I carried it down a flight of stairs and made it to the parking lot, but when I got to my car, I realized the door was locked. I propped the glass table top on my foot to dig my keys out of my pocket, and was quite proud of my progress thus far! I got my door unlocked and began to gently slide the huge piece of glass into the back seat when everything--including the glass--fell apart! Apparently, I bumped the edge of the glass on the inside of the door frame at the just the right--or just the wrong--angle and CRRRRACK!!!!!!! The huge piece of glass split right down the middle! The oval shaped table top immediately became two gigantic shards of glass and one sliced the inside of my right wrist open like a hot knife through a stick of butter! The parking lot must’ve looked like a crime scene to the apartment dwellers who came home later that evening as there was broken glass and pools of blood everywhere! (In an odd twist, I was working as a counselor in a psychiatric hospital at the time and had to conduct counseling sessions with my wrist bandaged! It took a great deal of explanation at work before I was allowed to do my job!)
Many years have passed since my stubborn encounter with foolishness and glass table tops, yet I still carry a scar on the inside of my right wrist. It has faded with time, but it is still there. Sometimes when I notice that scar, I laugh a little when I remember how silly it was of me to not allow anyone to help me. Sometimes I remember how awkward it was to try to explain the injury to my employer. Nevertheless, no matter what I remember when I see the scar, I always know the wound is healed.
There is no doubt your infertility has caused scars. Some may be physical scars from surgeries you’ve endured in an attempt to correct the failures of a faulty reproductive system. The more painful wounds are the invisible ones--the scars on your wounded heart. Maybe some scars are old, some are more recent. Does your heart bear the scars of hurtful words, spoken out of ignorance, but injuring just the same? Another birthday without a baby cuts like a knife. Baby shower invitations make scars like paper cuts across the surface of your heart. Perhaps your scars run deeper. Have your heart and soul been wounded by the loss of your precious baby? What do you remember when you see the scars infertility has tattooed on your heart?
The Bible is an amazing love story to each of us who has ever felt the sting of baby hunger. It is the Word of a God who fully understands what it feels like to want a child to come into His family. He also understands what the death of a child feels like. Remember, His Child died too. If you are nursing wounds today, and you carry scars from infertility’s hand, please allow me the privilege of sharing a couple of passages of Scriptures with you. Psalm 34:18 says The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. If you are hurting because your womb and nursery remain silent, know that God is near. When you feel you will collapse under the weight of an empty cradle, envision the God of the universe rushing to your side to bear the weight for you . Psalm 147:3 says “He (the Lord) heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” If you feel wounded by infertility today, know that the Lord is working to bind your wounds. The Great Physician takes His place at your bedside to brush away your tears and bind your wounds. Even if you cannot sense His presence, God promises to be near to you, ever working, ever binding the wounds, ever healing the hurts of His child.
There’s an interesting thing about scars. When you look at them, what do you see? You can see a scar as a reminder that you’ve been wounded, or you can see them as a reminder that you’ve been healed. You can remember the hurt and the pain of the injury that caused the scar, or you can remember the healing and the restoration you’ve experienced. How will you choose to look at the scars of infertility? Will you choose to remember all the hurtful days and nights when tears flooded your face and your arms were achingly empty, or will you choose to remember that God Himself walked beside you through each and every experience? Will you choose to allow infertility to cause a chasm to grow between you and God, or will you choose to allow this difficult season to be the catalyst for a stronger relationship between you and the One who truly understands the hurts your heart carries? Your scars can be a magnificent vehicle for your testimony of healing to another who comes behind you bearing similar scars.
What will you remember when you view your scars?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Hindsight is 20/20
Hindsight is 20/20
I found an old friend the other day. It was the journal I kept during the hectic days of infertility treatment. One pages recorded the medication schedule--what time to take an antigen shot, when to take an HcG shot. Another held the date of an IUI. Another marked the tear-stained record of a failed cycle and the beginning of another period. Each entry marked by infertility’s pen. As I scanned each page, memories flooded my mind. It was amazing to me that the same mind that cannot hold on to the location of my car keys could somehow recall the specific emotions and conversations that accompanied these journal entries with laser beam clarity.
As I perused these pages, I realized I was reading more than doctor’s appointments scribbled in blue ink and test results scribbled in black. Every journal entry was edited by Mercy’s hand. Beautifully written in invisible ink across every page were the words “My plan is unfolding” and they were all signed by “Grace”. In the dark days when the journal pages were crisp and blank, I could only see the empty calendar pages. I couldn’t see the entirety of God’s plan for me. I couldn’t even see the end of the month! I could only see the failed pregnancy test, the cysts that caused a delay in treatment, the addition of another diagnosis. I couldn’t see around a failed adoption to see that God really did have a marvelous plan for me and that all of these setbacks played a role.
As I look back through the pages of my journal, I remember how confusing those days were. Today I look back and see God’s hand on every page. You’ve all heard the old saying “Hindsight is 20/20”. As you look back at situations in your life, you can sometimes see things more clearly. Look at 2 Chronicles 20:20: “Have faith in the Lord your God. He'll take good care of you.” One day, you’ll be able to look back on the trials that perplex you, and realize more clearly than you can see today, God is still taking good care of you. Your hindsight will be 2 Chronicles 20/20! If, as you write in your journal today, it seems like God is no where to be found in your infertility story, remind yourself that God will take good care of you. Even if your emotions don’t line up with your faith, encourage yourself with the truth of Scripture that God loves you and will take good care of you.
I found an old friend the other day. It was the journal I kept during the hectic days of infertility treatment. One pages recorded the medication schedule--what time to take an antigen shot, when to take an HcG shot. Another held the date of an IUI. Another marked the tear-stained record of a failed cycle and the beginning of another period. Each entry marked by infertility’s pen. As I scanned each page, memories flooded my mind. It was amazing to me that the same mind that cannot hold on to the location of my car keys could somehow recall the specific emotions and conversations that accompanied these journal entries with laser beam clarity.
As I perused these pages, I realized I was reading more than doctor’s appointments scribbled in blue ink and test results scribbled in black. Every journal entry was edited by Mercy’s hand. Beautifully written in invisible ink across every page were the words “My plan is unfolding” and they were all signed by “Grace”. In the dark days when the journal pages were crisp and blank, I could only see the empty calendar pages. I couldn’t see the entirety of God’s plan for me. I couldn’t even see the end of the month! I could only see the failed pregnancy test, the cysts that caused a delay in treatment, the addition of another diagnosis. I couldn’t see around a failed adoption to see that God really did have a marvelous plan for me and that all of these setbacks played a role.
As I look back through the pages of my journal, I remember how confusing those days were. Today I look back and see God’s hand on every page. You’ve all heard the old saying “Hindsight is 20/20”. As you look back at situations in your life, you can sometimes see things more clearly. Look at 2 Chronicles 20:20: “Have faith in the Lord your God. He'll take good care of you.” One day, you’ll be able to look back on the trials that perplex you, and realize more clearly than you can see today, God is still taking good care of you. Your hindsight will be 2 Chronicles 20/20! If, as you write in your journal today, it seems like God is no where to be found in your infertility story, remind yourself that God will take good care of you. Even if your emotions don’t line up with your faith, encourage yourself with the truth of Scripture that God loves you and will take good care of you.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
A Flock of Birds & A Plane Crash
Perhaps you saw the news about a US Airways flight that crashed in the frigid Hudson River. Miraculously, all five crew members and all 150 passengers were saved! Despite being terrified and some suffering from hypothermia, every single person who boarded the plane also exited the plane alive. What caused this huge, mechanical bird to meet its demise? Was it a massive failure in the engineering system? Domestic terrorism? No. This powerful Airbus A320 jet airplane was brought down by a bunch of ordinary birds that the world would hardly even notice!
You would think it would take something bigger, stronger, smarter than a bunch of quacking feather dusters to bring down the culmination of millions of dollars and the work of the best and brightest minds in the aeronautical sciences! Unless, of course, you’ve been brought to your knees by the whimper of a newborn, or other seemingly ordinary events the fertile world would hardly even notice. Something as mundane as a picture of sweet baby feet on the cover of a magazine may be all it takes to spotlight the baby-shaped void in your life. Your heart crashes into a river of tears much like that powerful jet crashed into the Hudson River.
There’s something different about the story of this plane crash. Everyone survived! How did such a miracle occur? There was an amazing pilot at the helm of the doomed vessel who knew what to do even when everything went wrong. Guess what, hurting friend! You’ll survive your struggle as well, because there is an amazing Pilot guiding you through your journey through infertility! When infertility has caused your life to feel totally out of control and you wonder if you will survive, remember that very familiar Scripture found in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” When infertility causes your life to feel as if it is spinning out of control the Lord knows just how to guide you to safety. He knows how to bring you through each emergency, each unexpected report, each terrifying moment when you don’t know what will happen.
Remember the ferry boats? They came alongside the downed jet and rescued the passengers and took them to safety. There are “ferry boats” in your life as well! Perhaps they don’t look like ferry boats, but they are there! One “ferry boat” may come in the form of a good friend who understands your struggle because she walks that road too. Another “ferry boat” may be the compassionate prayer of your Pastor that seems to speak right to the hurt your heart carries. What “ferry boats” have you found in Scripture? Oh they’re there! The stories of Abraham and Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth! They’re all “ferry boats” to rescue you from the devastation that infertility brings.
There is one more reason I believe this story is being dubbed such a miracle. In one news report, an incredibly grateful passenger said you could hear prayers being offered up all over the plane as it was going down. Never, ever forget there is power in prayer. It may seem that your prayers go unnoticed and unanswered. Nothing could be further from the truth. Hannah prayed and prayed and kept on praying for a child even when she was discouraged because her struggle lasted so long. Her prayers were heard and answered. Keep on praying. There is power in your prayer.
You would think it would take something bigger, stronger, smarter than a bunch of quacking feather dusters to bring down the culmination of millions of dollars and the work of the best and brightest minds in the aeronautical sciences! Unless, of course, you’ve been brought to your knees by the whimper of a newborn, or other seemingly ordinary events the fertile world would hardly even notice. Something as mundane as a picture of sweet baby feet on the cover of a magazine may be all it takes to spotlight the baby-shaped void in your life. Your heart crashes into a river of tears much like that powerful jet crashed into the Hudson River.
There’s something different about the story of this plane crash. Everyone survived! How did such a miracle occur? There was an amazing pilot at the helm of the doomed vessel who knew what to do even when everything went wrong. Guess what, hurting friend! You’ll survive your struggle as well, because there is an amazing Pilot guiding you through your journey through infertility! When infertility has caused your life to feel totally out of control and you wonder if you will survive, remember that very familiar Scripture found in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” When infertility causes your life to feel as if it is spinning out of control the Lord knows just how to guide you to safety. He knows how to bring you through each emergency, each unexpected report, each terrifying moment when you don’t know what will happen.
Remember the ferry boats? They came alongside the downed jet and rescued the passengers and took them to safety. There are “ferry boats” in your life as well! Perhaps they don’t look like ferry boats, but they are there! One “ferry boat” may come in the form of a good friend who understands your struggle because she walks that road too. Another “ferry boat” may be the compassionate prayer of your Pastor that seems to speak right to the hurt your heart carries. What “ferry boats” have you found in Scripture? Oh they’re there! The stories of Abraham and Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth! They’re all “ferry boats” to rescue you from the devastation that infertility brings.
There is one more reason I believe this story is being dubbed such a miracle. In one news report, an incredibly grateful passenger said you could hear prayers being offered up all over the plane as it was going down. Never, ever forget there is power in prayer. It may seem that your prayers go unnoticed and unanswered. Nothing could be further from the truth. Hannah prayed and prayed and kept on praying for a child even when she was discouraged because her struggle lasted so long. Her prayers were heard and answered. Keep on praying. There is power in your prayer.
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