Moving from “If Only…” to “Had it not been…”
You stand on the sidelines of life, watching mothers soothing their crying babies as your own tears cascade down your face. You see fathers rushing their sons off to football practice as you rush back to the local fertility clinic. The parade of “if only”s march past your mind’s eye as you question every decision you’ve ever made in your efforts to have a baby.
If only I’d started treatment earlier…
If only I hadn’t taken that pain killer or gotten in that hot tub…
If only I’d married someone who wasn’t infertile…
If only I had taken better care of my body…
If only I’d served God more faithfully…
If only I would have called the doctor as soon as I started to bleed…
If only…
If only…
Journey back in time with me and let’s slip through the door of an Egyptian throne room. One very powerful man stands with tear-swollen eyes looking at 11 terrified men who are witnessing the most mind-blowing theatrics they could have ever imagined! Joseph reveals his identity to the brothers who threw him into a pit and sold him into slavery when he was just a skinny, gangly 17 year old boy. Now he’s second in command of Egypt! What would be their fate?
Joseph’s brothers stand before him trembling because they know he has the authority to do with them as he wishes. Now is the chance for him to destroy them for all the heartache they caused in his life. What was his response to them?
“Now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.” (Genesis 45:5)
And just so you don’t think that Joseph’s extension of mercy was just a momentary, emotional response, flip over to Genesis 50:20. He’s speaking to his brothers at the death of their father. They are afraid that Joseph will take revenge on them now that their father is not around to witness it. Joseph once again looks at them and says “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20)
What? Why such gracious responses? Come on! Admit it! You wanted to hear him say something like “If only you had gotten me out of the pit, I’d save you now! But you really blew it this time, buddy! Let’s see how you like prison food!” How was Joseph able to grant such mercy and grace?
It’s really quite simple. Joseph changed the “if only…”s in his life to “had it not been…”s.
Had it not been for his brothers throwing him in a pit and selling him into slavery, he would never have gotten to Egypt,.
Had it not been for Joseph being in Egypt, he would never have placed in Potiphar’s home.
Had it not been for the time he spent in Potiphar’s home, he would never have been wrongly accused of a sexual crime and thrown in prison.
Had it not been for his imprisonment, Joseph would have never met Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, whose dreams he was meant to interpret.
Had it not been for interpreting the dreams of Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, Joseph would never have been able to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams.
Had it not been for interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams, Joseph would never have risen to second in command over Egypt.
Had it not been for Joseph rising to power, he would have never been in a position to save the same family members who threw him into a pit years before.
When you reach the resolution of your infertility story, may you watch the parade of “if only…”s become a beautiful display of “had it not been…”s:
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have pursued the adoption of this precious child God ordained for my family before time began.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have learned how to communicate with my spouse the way we do now.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have known how to trust God through His silence.
Had it not been for infertility, we would not have experienced the comfort of God in great trials.
Had it not been for infertility, we would never have sought God and His will for our lives the way we have.
Had it not been…
Had it not been…
Don’t let Satan convince you that difficult situations mean God isn’t working and moving. He’s working through the celebrations. He’s working through your tears. Change the “if only…”s in your life to a marvelous parade of “had it not been…”s.
(c) 2009 Sarah’s Laughter-Christian Support for Infertility & Child Loss
Submit a prayer request or join the Sarah's Laughter Prayer Team at
Requests@Sarahs-Laughter.com
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Scars
Scars
During a period of time prior to my marriage when I was trying to flaunt my independence, I decided I could handle everything entirely on my own. I was moving from one apartment to another and would not allow anyone to help me load furniture. I was going to load the glass top of my kitchen table into the back seat of my small Honda Accord and take it to my new apartment--all by myself! I carried it down a flight of stairs and made it to the parking lot, but when I got to my car, I realized the door was locked. I propped the glass table top on my foot to dig my keys out of my pocket, and was quite proud of my progress thus far! I got my door unlocked and began to gently slide the huge piece of glass into the back seat when everything--including the glass--fell apart! Apparently, I bumped the edge of the glass on the inside of the door frame at the just the right--or just the wrong--angle and CRRRRACK!!!!!!! The huge piece of glass split right down the middle! The oval shaped table top immediately became two gigantic shards of glass and one sliced the inside of my right wrist open like a hot knife through a stick of butter! The parking lot must’ve looked like a crime scene to the apartment dwellers who came home later that evening as there was broken glass and pools of blood everywhere! (In an odd twist, I was working as a counselor in a psychiatric hospital at the time and had to conduct counseling sessions with my wrist bandaged! It took a great deal of explanation at work before I was allowed to do my job!)
Many years have passed since my stubborn encounter with foolishness and glass table tops, yet I still carry a scar on the inside of my right wrist. It has faded with time, but it is still there. Sometimes when I notice that scar, I laugh a little when I remember how silly it was of me to not allow anyone to help me. Sometimes I remember how awkward it was to try to explain the injury to my employer. Nevertheless, no matter what I remember when I see the scar, I always know the wound is healed.
There is no doubt your infertility has caused scars. Some may be physical scars from surgeries you’ve endured in an attempt to correct the failures of a faulty reproductive system. The more painful wounds are the invisible ones--the scars on your wounded heart. Maybe some scars are old, some are more recent. Does your heart bear the scars of hurtful words, spoken out of ignorance, but injuring just the same? Another birthday without a baby cuts like a knife. Baby shower invitations make scars like paper cuts across the surface of your heart. Perhaps your scars run deeper. Have your heart and soul been wounded by the loss of your precious baby? What do you remember when you see the scars infertility has tattooed on your heart?
The Bible is an amazing love story to each of us who has ever felt the sting of baby hunger. It is the Word of a God who fully understands what it feels like to want a child to come into His family. He also understands what the death of a child feels like. Remember, His Child died too. If you are nursing wounds today, and you carry scars from infertility’s hand, please allow me the privilege of sharing a couple of passages of Scriptures with you. Psalm 34:18 says The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. If you are hurting because your womb and nursery remain silent, know that God is near. When you feel you will collapse under the weight of an empty cradle, envision the God of the universe rushing to your side to bear the weight for you . Psalm 147:3 says “He (the Lord) heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” If you feel wounded by infertility today, know that the Lord is working to bind your wounds. The Great Physician takes His place at your bedside to brush away your tears and bind your wounds. Even if you cannot sense His presence, God promises to be near to you, ever working, ever binding the wounds, ever healing the hurts of His child.
There’s an interesting thing about scars. When you look at them, what do you see? You can see a scar as a reminder that you’ve been wounded, or you can see them as a reminder that you’ve been healed. You can remember the hurt and the pain of the injury that caused the scar, or you can remember the healing and the restoration you’ve experienced. How will you choose to look at the scars of infertility? Will you choose to remember all the hurtful days and nights when tears flooded your face and your arms were achingly empty, or will you choose to remember that God Himself walked beside you through each and every experience? Will you choose to allow infertility to cause a chasm to grow between you and God, or will you choose to allow this difficult season to be the catalyst for a stronger relationship between you and the One who truly understands the hurts your heart carries? Your scars can be a magnificent vehicle for your testimony of healing to another who comes behind you bearing similar scars.
What will you remember when you view your scars?
During a period of time prior to my marriage when I was trying to flaunt my independence, I decided I could handle everything entirely on my own. I was moving from one apartment to another and would not allow anyone to help me load furniture. I was going to load the glass top of my kitchen table into the back seat of my small Honda Accord and take it to my new apartment--all by myself! I carried it down a flight of stairs and made it to the parking lot, but when I got to my car, I realized the door was locked. I propped the glass table top on my foot to dig my keys out of my pocket, and was quite proud of my progress thus far! I got my door unlocked and began to gently slide the huge piece of glass into the back seat when everything--including the glass--fell apart! Apparently, I bumped the edge of the glass on the inside of the door frame at the just the right--or just the wrong--angle and CRRRRACK!!!!!!! The huge piece of glass split right down the middle! The oval shaped table top immediately became two gigantic shards of glass and one sliced the inside of my right wrist open like a hot knife through a stick of butter! The parking lot must’ve looked like a crime scene to the apartment dwellers who came home later that evening as there was broken glass and pools of blood everywhere! (In an odd twist, I was working as a counselor in a psychiatric hospital at the time and had to conduct counseling sessions with my wrist bandaged! It took a great deal of explanation at work before I was allowed to do my job!)
Many years have passed since my stubborn encounter with foolishness and glass table tops, yet I still carry a scar on the inside of my right wrist. It has faded with time, but it is still there. Sometimes when I notice that scar, I laugh a little when I remember how silly it was of me to not allow anyone to help me. Sometimes I remember how awkward it was to try to explain the injury to my employer. Nevertheless, no matter what I remember when I see the scar, I always know the wound is healed.
There is no doubt your infertility has caused scars. Some may be physical scars from surgeries you’ve endured in an attempt to correct the failures of a faulty reproductive system. The more painful wounds are the invisible ones--the scars on your wounded heart. Maybe some scars are old, some are more recent. Does your heart bear the scars of hurtful words, spoken out of ignorance, but injuring just the same? Another birthday without a baby cuts like a knife. Baby shower invitations make scars like paper cuts across the surface of your heart. Perhaps your scars run deeper. Have your heart and soul been wounded by the loss of your precious baby? What do you remember when you see the scars infertility has tattooed on your heart?
The Bible is an amazing love story to each of us who has ever felt the sting of baby hunger. It is the Word of a God who fully understands what it feels like to want a child to come into His family. He also understands what the death of a child feels like. Remember, His Child died too. If you are nursing wounds today, and you carry scars from infertility’s hand, please allow me the privilege of sharing a couple of passages of Scriptures with you. Psalm 34:18 says The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. If you are hurting because your womb and nursery remain silent, know that God is near. When you feel you will collapse under the weight of an empty cradle, envision the God of the universe rushing to your side to bear the weight for you . Psalm 147:3 says “He (the Lord) heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” If you feel wounded by infertility today, know that the Lord is working to bind your wounds. The Great Physician takes His place at your bedside to brush away your tears and bind your wounds. Even if you cannot sense His presence, God promises to be near to you, ever working, ever binding the wounds, ever healing the hurts of His child.
There’s an interesting thing about scars. When you look at them, what do you see? You can see a scar as a reminder that you’ve been wounded, or you can see them as a reminder that you’ve been healed. You can remember the hurt and the pain of the injury that caused the scar, or you can remember the healing and the restoration you’ve experienced. How will you choose to look at the scars of infertility? Will you choose to remember all the hurtful days and nights when tears flooded your face and your arms were achingly empty, or will you choose to remember that God Himself walked beside you through each and every experience? Will you choose to allow infertility to cause a chasm to grow between you and God, or will you choose to allow this difficult season to be the catalyst for a stronger relationship between you and the One who truly understands the hurts your heart carries? Your scars can be a magnificent vehicle for your testimony of healing to another who comes behind you bearing similar scars.
What will you remember when you view your scars?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Hindsight is 20/20
Hindsight is 20/20
I found an old friend the other day. It was the journal I kept during the hectic days of infertility treatment. One pages recorded the medication schedule--what time to take an antigen shot, when to take an HcG shot. Another held the date of an IUI. Another marked the tear-stained record of a failed cycle and the beginning of another period. Each entry marked by infertility’s pen. As I scanned each page, memories flooded my mind. It was amazing to me that the same mind that cannot hold on to the location of my car keys could somehow recall the specific emotions and conversations that accompanied these journal entries with laser beam clarity.
As I perused these pages, I realized I was reading more than doctor’s appointments scribbled in blue ink and test results scribbled in black. Every journal entry was edited by Mercy’s hand. Beautifully written in invisible ink across every page were the words “My plan is unfolding” and they were all signed by “Grace”. In the dark days when the journal pages were crisp and blank, I could only see the empty calendar pages. I couldn’t see the entirety of God’s plan for me. I couldn’t even see the end of the month! I could only see the failed pregnancy test, the cysts that caused a delay in treatment, the addition of another diagnosis. I couldn’t see around a failed adoption to see that God really did have a marvelous plan for me and that all of these setbacks played a role.
As I look back through the pages of my journal, I remember how confusing those days were. Today I look back and see God’s hand on every page. You’ve all heard the old saying “Hindsight is 20/20”. As you look back at situations in your life, you can sometimes see things more clearly. Look at 2 Chronicles 20:20: “Have faith in the Lord your God. He'll take good care of you.” One day, you’ll be able to look back on the trials that perplex you, and realize more clearly than you can see today, God is still taking good care of you. Your hindsight will be 2 Chronicles 20/20! If, as you write in your journal today, it seems like God is no where to be found in your infertility story, remind yourself that God will take good care of you. Even if your emotions don’t line up with your faith, encourage yourself with the truth of Scripture that God loves you and will take good care of you.
I found an old friend the other day. It was the journal I kept during the hectic days of infertility treatment. One pages recorded the medication schedule--what time to take an antigen shot, when to take an HcG shot. Another held the date of an IUI. Another marked the tear-stained record of a failed cycle and the beginning of another period. Each entry marked by infertility’s pen. As I scanned each page, memories flooded my mind. It was amazing to me that the same mind that cannot hold on to the location of my car keys could somehow recall the specific emotions and conversations that accompanied these journal entries with laser beam clarity.
As I perused these pages, I realized I was reading more than doctor’s appointments scribbled in blue ink and test results scribbled in black. Every journal entry was edited by Mercy’s hand. Beautifully written in invisible ink across every page were the words “My plan is unfolding” and they were all signed by “Grace”. In the dark days when the journal pages were crisp and blank, I could only see the empty calendar pages. I couldn’t see the entirety of God’s plan for me. I couldn’t even see the end of the month! I could only see the failed pregnancy test, the cysts that caused a delay in treatment, the addition of another diagnosis. I couldn’t see around a failed adoption to see that God really did have a marvelous plan for me and that all of these setbacks played a role.
As I look back through the pages of my journal, I remember how confusing those days were. Today I look back and see God’s hand on every page. You’ve all heard the old saying “Hindsight is 20/20”. As you look back at situations in your life, you can sometimes see things more clearly. Look at 2 Chronicles 20:20: “Have faith in the Lord your God. He'll take good care of you.” One day, you’ll be able to look back on the trials that perplex you, and realize more clearly than you can see today, God is still taking good care of you. Your hindsight will be 2 Chronicles 20/20! If, as you write in your journal today, it seems like God is no where to be found in your infertility story, remind yourself that God will take good care of you. Even if your emotions don’t line up with your faith, encourage yourself with the truth of Scripture that God loves you and will take good care of you.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
A Flock of Birds & A Plane Crash
Perhaps you saw the news about a US Airways flight that crashed in the frigid Hudson River. Miraculously, all five crew members and all 150 passengers were saved! Despite being terrified and some suffering from hypothermia, every single person who boarded the plane also exited the plane alive. What caused this huge, mechanical bird to meet its demise? Was it a massive failure in the engineering system? Domestic terrorism? No. This powerful Airbus A320 jet airplane was brought down by a bunch of ordinary birds that the world would hardly even notice!
You would think it would take something bigger, stronger, smarter than a bunch of quacking feather dusters to bring down the culmination of millions of dollars and the work of the best and brightest minds in the aeronautical sciences! Unless, of course, you’ve been brought to your knees by the whimper of a newborn, or other seemingly ordinary events the fertile world would hardly even notice. Something as mundane as a picture of sweet baby feet on the cover of a magazine may be all it takes to spotlight the baby-shaped void in your life. Your heart crashes into a river of tears much like that powerful jet crashed into the Hudson River.
There’s something different about the story of this plane crash. Everyone survived! How did such a miracle occur? There was an amazing pilot at the helm of the doomed vessel who knew what to do even when everything went wrong. Guess what, hurting friend! You’ll survive your struggle as well, because there is an amazing Pilot guiding you through your journey through infertility! When infertility has caused your life to feel totally out of control and you wonder if you will survive, remember that very familiar Scripture found in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” When infertility causes your life to feel as if it is spinning out of control the Lord knows just how to guide you to safety. He knows how to bring you through each emergency, each unexpected report, each terrifying moment when you don’t know what will happen.
Remember the ferry boats? They came alongside the downed jet and rescued the passengers and took them to safety. There are “ferry boats” in your life as well! Perhaps they don’t look like ferry boats, but they are there! One “ferry boat” may come in the form of a good friend who understands your struggle because she walks that road too. Another “ferry boat” may be the compassionate prayer of your Pastor that seems to speak right to the hurt your heart carries. What “ferry boats” have you found in Scripture? Oh they’re there! The stories of Abraham and Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth! They’re all “ferry boats” to rescue you from the devastation that infertility brings.
There is one more reason I believe this story is being dubbed such a miracle. In one news report, an incredibly grateful passenger said you could hear prayers being offered up all over the plane as it was going down. Never, ever forget there is power in prayer. It may seem that your prayers go unnoticed and unanswered. Nothing could be further from the truth. Hannah prayed and prayed and kept on praying for a child even when she was discouraged because her struggle lasted so long. Her prayers were heard and answered. Keep on praying. There is power in your prayer.
You would think it would take something bigger, stronger, smarter than a bunch of quacking feather dusters to bring down the culmination of millions of dollars and the work of the best and brightest minds in the aeronautical sciences! Unless, of course, you’ve been brought to your knees by the whimper of a newborn, or other seemingly ordinary events the fertile world would hardly even notice. Something as mundane as a picture of sweet baby feet on the cover of a magazine may be all it takes to spotlight the baby-shaped void in your life. Your heart crashes into a river of tears much like that powerful jet crashed into the Hudson River.
There’s something different about the story of this plane crash. Everyone survived! How did such a miracle occur? There was an amazing pilot at the helm of the doomed vessel who knew what to do even when everything went wrong. Guess what, hurting friend! You’ll survive your struggle as well, because there is an amazing Pilot guiding you through your journey through infertility! When infertility has caused your life to feel totally out of control and you wonder if you will survive, remember that very familiar Scripture found in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” When infertility causes your life to feel as if it is spinning out of control the Lord knows just how to guide you to safety. He knows how to bring you through each emergency, each unexpected report, each terrifying moment when you don’t know what will happen.
Remember the ferry boats? They came alongside the downed jet and rescued the passengers and took them to safety. There are “ferry boats” in your life as well! Perhaps they don’t look like ferry boats, but they are there! One “ferry boat” may come in the form of a good friend who understands your struggle because she walks that road too. Another “ferry boat” may be the compassionate prayer of your Pastor that seems to speak right to the hurt your heart carries. What “ferry boats” have you found in Scripture? Oh they’re there! The stories of Abraham and Sarah, Hannah, Elizabeth! They’re all “ferry boats” to rescue you from the devastation that infertility brings.
There is one more reason I believe this story is being dubbed such a miracle. In one news report, an incredibly grateful passenger said you could hear prayers being offered up all over the plane as it was going down. Never, ever forget there is power in prayer. It may seem that your prayers go unnoticed and unanswered. Nothing could be further from the truth. Hannah prayed and prayed and kept on praying for a child even when she was discouraged because her struggle lasted so long. Her prayers were heard and answered. Keep on praying. There is power in your prayer.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
He Missed the Whole Thing!
And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
Luke 2:7
He missed the whole thing! It happened right around him and next to him and behind him and in front of him but he still missed the whole thing. Amazing! Maybe he was too worried about the money he thought he should have been making. Maybe he was wiped out from too many people asking too many questions. Maybe he was distracted from the fight he had with his wife earlier that night. Whatever the reason--he missed the whole thing!
The innkeeper who allowed Mary & Joseph to stay in his stable the night Jesus was born was probably within a few feet of witnessing the central event of mankind, yet he missed the whole thing! He knew they were there--he allowed them to stay there. She was a scared, teenage girl wracked with the pain of labor--probably without her mother or a midwife; he was a nervous young man, wringing helpless hands and weeping as he heard the anguished, pain-filled cries of his bride as she labored to give the savior of the world birth. How could they go unnoticed to this innkeeper?
Surely he must’ve seen the wide-eyed shepherds as they flocked to his small shed. Men cannot experience a sky full of angels and come quietly! Dirty, wonder-struck shepherds falling in reverence before a tiny, hours-old infant and His exhausted teen mother had to cause quite a commotion! Imagine the bleating sheep crowding out the animals in the stable! So much for a silent night! Did the innkeeper cover his ears and turn over in his bed and wish they’d all just hush so he could sleep? He missed the whole thing!
A sky full of angels. A star above the little stable he loaned out as a labor and delivery room. The birth of the Savior who would offer him redemption from his sins. He missed it all. Never in Scripture do we read of the innkeeper falling to his knees in worship with the Magi or running through the streets to proclaim the birth of the Messiah. We see no reference of his gazing into the night sky and shielding his eyes from the amazing brightness of the star shining over his humble home. We don’t even see where he snuck around the corner and peeked in to the gathering of worshipers to see what all the ruckus was all about. The innkeeper apparently got so distracted by other happenings in his life that he missed the event that literally split time into. He missed the whole thing. What distraction cause him to miss this once in an eternity event?
Has infertility distracted you from the true meaning of Christmas? There is no doubt that infertility hurts. A lot. When you want a baby so badly, it seems that everything reminds you that everyone around you has children, yet your womb and your nursery remain silent. The sting of infertility can distract you from other important things. Don’t let infertility cause you to miss the true gift of Christmas like the innkeeper did.
No matter how beautiful the gifts are that are wrapped in brightly colored paper and ribbons and laid under your tree tonight, don’t let infertility distract from the knowledge that the most precious gift ever given to you was once wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger. As you enjoy the beautifully decorated ornaments that are hung on your Christmas tree in your home tonight, don’t let infertility cause you to forget that God’s greatest gift to you once hung on another tree and died in your place. Infertility can rob you of many things, but it cannot steal the true meaning of the greatest gift of Christmas from your heart.
Luke 2:7
He missed the whole thing! It happened right around him and next to him and behind him and in front of him but he still missed the whole thing. Amazing! Maybe he was too worried about the money he thought he should have been making. Maybe he was wiped out from too many people asking too many questions. Maybe he was distracted from the fight he had with his wife earlier that night. Whatever the reason--he missed the whole thing!
The innkeeper who allowed Mary & Joseph to stay in his stable the night Jesus was born was probably within a few feet of witnessing the central event of mankind, yet he missed the whole thing! He knew they were there--he allowed them to stay there. She was a scared, teenage girl wracked with the pain of labor--probably without her mother or a midwife; he was a nervous young man, wringing helpless hands and weeping as he heard the anguished, pain-filled cries of his bride as she labored to give the savior of the world birth. How could they go unnoticed to this innkeeper?
Surely he must’ve seen the wide-eyed shepherds as they flocked to his small shed. Men cannot experience a sky full of angels and come quietly! Dirty, wonder-struck shepherds falling in reverence before a tiny, hours-old infant and His exhausted teen mother had to cause quite a commotion! Imagine the bleating sheep crowding out the animals in the stable! So much for a silent night! Did the innkeeper cover his ears and turn over in his bed and wish they’d all just hush so he could sleep? He missed the whole thing!
A sky full of angels. A star above the little stable he loaned out as a labor and delivery room. The birth of the Savior who would offer him redemption from his sins. He missed it all. Never in Scripture do we read of the innkeeper falling to his knees in worship with the Magi or running through the streets to proclaim the birth of the Messiah. We see no reference of his gazing into the night sky and shielding his eyes from the amazing brightness of the star shining over his humble home. We don’t even see where he snuck around the corner and peeked in to the gathering of worshipers to see what all the ruckus was all about. The innkeeper apparently got so distracted by other happenings in his life that he missed the event that literally split time into. He missed the whole thing. What distraction cause him to miss this once in an eternity event?
Has infertility distracted you from the true meaning of Christmas? There is no doubt that infertility hurts. A lot. When you want a baby so badly, it seems that everything reminds you that everyone around you has children, yet your womb and your nursery remain silent. The sting of infertility can distract you from other important things. Don’t let infertility cause you to miss the true gift of Christmas like the innkeeper did.
No matter how beautiful the gifts are that are wrapped in brightly colored paper and ribbons and laid under your tree tonight, don’t let infertility distract from the knowledge that the most precious gift ever given to you was once wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger. As you enjoy the beautifully decorated ornaments that are hung on your Christmas tree in your home tonight, don’t let infertility cause you to forget that God’s greatest gift to you once hung on another tree and died in your place. Infertility can rob you of many things, but it cannot steal the true meaning of the greatest gift of Christmas from your heart.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I'm Dreaming of a "Why" Christmas
I’m Dreaming of a “Why” Christmas
I recently heard a little girl sweetly singing a Christmas carol to the top of her lungs. She had her angelic face tilted just perfectly, her eyes closed, and with all the gusto her 9 year old heart could muster, she belted out “I’m dreaming of a ‘why’ Christmas!” Not quite the Bing Crosby version most of us have grown up with, but perhaps the more appropriate one for those who face the holiday season with infertility.
There are so many, many “whys” during the holidays. The strong emphasis placed on family relationships during this time of year spotlights the whys your heart carries. Why can some people have babies so easily yet I am facing another year childless? Why did my baby not survive yet another chose to abort? Why does God choose to grant a healthy pregnancy to someone who calls her baby an “accident” when I have done any and every thing I can do to conceive and nothing has worked? Why? Why? Why?
Are you struggling with a “Why Christmas” this year? If so, then I encourage you to consider “Why Christmas?” Why did God give us Christmas? Imagine if you will, that an amazing miracle would occur today, and your doctor would call you and say that according to your latest test results you are perfectly pregnant. All your hormone levels are exactly as they should be and the next nine months are blissfully filled with your bulging belly and growing baby. You give birth to a perfect child and all is right with the world. You cannot believe the love your heart hold for this miracle in the flesh who has your eyes and your husband’s chin.
However, in the greatest act of love imaginable, you hand this much desired baby over to someone else! The love you hold for you baby is incomprehensible, but you know the other person will perish if you do not give them your child, and you cannot bear the thought, so with more compassion that you ever dreamed possible, you give them the gift of the baby you have desired so long. This person doesn’t even know your name, doesn’t love your baby, and really doesn’t even care that this child exists! You give your child to someone else because you know they need your baby to survive, and they don’t even realize it. They look at you as if you’ve lost your mind, and they tell you they don’t want your baby and walk away.
Can you imagine loving another person so much that you’d give your baby to them? God can.
God loves you so much, He gave His Baby to you on Christmas. He gave you His Baby because He knew you needed Him to survive. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16) He knew your heart would be filled with so many “whys” this Christmas and you needed God Emmanuel, God with you. That’s why God gave Christmas.
If your heart is filled with all the whys of infertility, and you’re dreaming of a “why Christmas”, remind yourself of why God gave us Christmas. He loves us. He gave us His Baby. God Emmanuel. God with us. God with us through the good time. God with us in the bad times. God with us at the doctor’s offices. God with us when the periods starts and the pregnancy tests are negative. God with us through the tearful nights. God with us in good times. God with us when family celebrations are too hard. He is God with us because God gave us His Son that first Christmas night. God with us to make a way for sins to be forgiven so we can be with Him for eternity.
That is why God gave us Christmas.
I recently heard a little girl sweetly singing a Christmas carol to the top of her lungs. She had her angelic face tilted just perfectly, her eyes closed, and with all the gusto her 9 year old heart could muster, she belted out “I’m dreaming of a ‘why’ Christmas!” Not quite the Bing Crosby version most of us have grown up with, but perhaps the more appropriate one for those who face the holiday season with infertility.
There are so many, many “whys” during the holidays. The strong emphasis placed on family relationships during this time of year spotlights the whys your heart carries. Why can some people have babies so easily yet I am facing another year childless? Why did my baby not survive yet another chose to abort? Why does God choose to grant a healthy pregnancy to someone who calls her baby an “accident” when I have done any and every thing I can do to conceive and nothing has worked? Why? Why? Why?
Are you struggling with a “Why Christmas” this year? If so, then I encourage you to consider “Why Christmas?” Why did God give us Christmas? Imagine if you will, that an amazing miracle would occur today, and your doctor would call you and say that according to your latest test results you are perfectly pregnant. All your hormone levels are exactly as they should be and the next nine months are blissfully filled with your bulging belly and growing baby. You give birth to a perfect child and all is right with the world. You cannot believe the love your heart hold for this miracle in the flesh who has your eyes and your husband’s chin.
However, in the greatest act of love imaginable, you hand this much desired baby over to someone else! The love you hold for you baby is incomprehensible, but you know the other person will perish if you do not give them your child, and you cannot bear the thought, so with more compassion that you ever dreamed possible, you give them the gift of the baby you have desired so long. This person doesn’t even know your name, doesn’t love your baby, and really doesn’t even care that this child exists! You give your child to someone else because you know they need your baby to survive, and they don’t even realize it. They look at you as if you’ve lost your mind, and they tell you they don’t want your baby and walk away.
Can you imagine loving another person so much that you’d give your baby to them? God can.
God loves you so much, He gave His Baby to you on Christmas. He gave you His Baby because He knew you needed Him to survive. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16) He knew your heart would be filled with so many “whys” this Christmas and you needed God Emmanuel, God with you. That’s why God gave Christmas.
If your heart is filled with all the whys of infertility, and you’re dreaming of a “why Christmas”, remind yourself of why God gave us Christmas. He loves us. He gave us His Baby. God Emmanuel. God with us. God with us through the good time. God with us in the bad times. God with us at the doctor’s offices. God with us when the periods starts and the pregnancy tests are negative. God with us through the tearful nights. God with us in good times. God with us when family celebrations are too hard. He is God with us because God gave us His Son that first Christmas night. God with us to make a way for sins to be forgiven so we can be with Him for eternity.
That is why God gave us Christmas.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Infertility Bible Study!
Infertility Bible Study
It’s almost here! The last minute details are being ironed out! The final preparations are being made!
I’m not talking about Christmas! I’m talking about the Sarah’s Laughter Infertility Bible Study!
We are so very excited about this amazing adventure God is leading us on! It has been a long time in the making, and the study is almost ready. For quite some time, people have asked if we know of a quality, in-depth Bible study that focuses on infertility. The fact is there just aren’t that many out there. We feel God has led us to compile one and we are humbled and excited about it. The Word of God has much to say about the struggle a couple faces when consumed with infertility. There are helps in Scripture for the battle we face when we are consumed with jealousy when another woman gets pregnant, yet we remain childless. Anger can consume us, yet the Bible tells us what we should do to put it away from us. If your heart is heavy and sad, God understands the hurt and His Word has the balm to soothe your wounds. All of these issues and more are addressed in this Bible Study, and each lesson is directly related to infertility.
We would love to present this study to 100 people for a critique before it is offered to the general public. If you would be interested in completing the study and offering your opinion, contact us immediately. There are very few spots left on our list of 100 volunteers! Send us your name and mailing address and we will send you a hard copy the week of January 5-9, 2009.
The following is a sample of a “homework assignment” found in the Bible Study. It is only a tiny example of the practical helps you’ll find in this work.
A Little Lagniappe
Jealousy
Day 3—Practice, Practice, Practice!
List the five most difficult situations you face in regard to infertility induced jealousy:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Go back to Philippians 4:13 and fill in the blanks:
“I _________________________ do _________________________________________ through _______________________________ who _____________________________ me.”
Now, re-write this verse, replacing the words “do all things” with the five situations you’ve listed:
Here are a couple of examples for you:
“I can face another birthday without a baby through Christ who strengthens me.”
“I can maintain a relationship with my very fertile family members through Christ who strengthens me.”
I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.
I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.
I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.
I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.
I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.
Now let’s put these two blessed truths together! When you face jealousy-invoking situations along your journey through infertility, practice plugging your situation into this verse and make it a habit! Instead of ruminating on your rage and jealousy toward people at work who gripe about being pregnant, practice saying “I can face pregnant co-workers at my job today through Christ who strengthens me.” Instead of allowing infertility to destroy relationships with people you love, practice saying “I can maintain a strong, healthy, relationships with those I love through Christ who strengthens me.” Combat these negative, hurtful, jealous thoughts with the powerful, efficacious Word of God until it becomes a habit!
Remember, if you'd like to receive an advance copy of the Sarah's Laughter Infertility Bible Study at no cost to you to complete and critique, please contact us immediately at Beth@Sarahs-Laughter.com! The offer is made only to the first 100 people to sign up, and most spots are taken. Send us your name and mailing address. We are excited to join with you in this venture!
It’s almost here! The last minute details are being ironed out! The final preparations are being made!
I’m not talking about Christmas! I’m talking about the Sarah’s Laughter Infertility Bible Study!
We are so very excited about this amazing adventure God is leading us on! It has been a long time in the making, and the study is almost ready. For quite some time, people have asked if we know of a quality, in-depth Bible study that focuses on infertility. The fact is there just aren’t that many out there. We feel God has led us to compile one and we are humbled and excited about it. The Word of God has much to say about the struggle a couple faces when consumed with infertility. There are helps in Scripture for the battle we face when we are consumed with jealousy when another woman gets pregnant, yet we remain childless. Anger can consume us, yet the Bible tells us what we should do to put it away from us. If your heart is heavy and sad, God understands the hurt and His Word has the balm to soothe your wounds. All of these issues and more are addressed in this Bible Study, and each lesson is directly related to infertility.
We would love to present this study to 100 people for a critique before it is offered to the general public. If you would be interested in completing the study and offering your opinion, contact us immediately. There are very few spots left on our list of 100 volunteers! Send us your name and mailing address and we will send you a hard copy the week of January 5-9, 2009.
The following is a sample of a “homework assignment” found in the Bible Study. It is only a tiny example of the practical helps you’ll find in this work.
A Little Lagniappe
Jealousy
Day 3—Practice, Practice, Practice!
List the five most difficult situations you face in regard to infertility induced jealousy:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Go back to Philippians 4:13 and fill in the blanks:
“I _________________________ do _________________________________________ through _______________________________ who _____________________________ me.”
Now, re-write this verse, replacing the words “do all things” with the five situations you’ve listed:
Here are a couple of examples for you:
“I can face another birthday without a baby through Christ who strengthens me.”
“I can maintain a relationship with my very fertile family members through Christ who strengthens me.”
I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.
I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.
I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.
I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.
I can______________________________________________________________ through Christ who strengthens me.
Now let’s put these two blessed truths together! When you face jealousy-invoking situations along your journey through infertility, practice plugging your situation into this verse and make it a habit! Instead of ruminating on your rage and jealousy toward people at work who gripe about being pregnant, practice saying “I can face pregnant co-workers at my job today through Christ who strengthens me.” Instead of allowing infertility to destroy relationships with people you love, practice saying “I can maintain a strong, healthy, relationships with those I love through Christ who strengthens me.” Combat these negative, hurtful, jealous thoughts with the powerful, efficacious Word of God until it becomes a habit!
Remember, if you'd like to receive an advance copy of the Sarah's Laughter Infertility Bible Study at no cost to you to complete and critique, please contact us immediately at Beth@Sarahs-Laughter.com! The offer is made only to the first 100 people to sign up, and most spots are taken. Send us your name and mailing address. We are excited to join with you in this venture!
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