On the first day of Christmas my True Love gave to me...

Shh! Can you keep a secret? You can’t tell! My husband’s Christmas gift has been sitting on our kitchen counter for two weeks and he doesn’t know it! It’s wrapped up in a beautiful, decorative box that is quite ornate. The uniquely shaped box he assumes to be a new Christmas decoration is actually a gift he has been hinting for for quite some time! He walks by it every day and has no idea! He stands within inches of his present and reads the mail! I have to admit, I enjoy being a little sneaky and the thought of hidden treasures makes me smile.

Do you realize that God has hidden treasures all around you today? He understands that life can take a toll on your heart--especially around the holidays--so He gives you extra measures of love. He may not have placed them in brightly colored boxes on your kitchen countertops, but they are there!

Where are these hidden Christmas gifts from God? Perhaps God has given you a measure of His love in a phone call from a friend who just called to check on you after she knew you had an important doctor’s appointment. Just the fact that she cared spoke volumes to your heart! (A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.--Proverbs 25:11) Remember your pastor’s sermon that really seemed to speak to your heart? Maybe God was being a little sneaky and placed that in your pastor’s heart just for you. How many times have you gotten an email with just what you needed for the struggle you were going through on a particular day? God had placed a hidden treasure right in front of you--right on your computer screen! Something as simple as an encouraging book you found in a Christian book store, or even a song on the radio can remind you of the love God has for you in troubling times. Perhaps you’ve never considered that encounters such as these can be more than just coincidences and could actually be hidden gifts from God to help you through the difficulties life brings!

Remember when you were a little kid? Did you sneak around the house at Christmas time, trying your best to find the Christmas gifts you knew were hidden somewhere just out of sight? Why not be like that again? Look around you for the hidden treasures of God’s love. Could that song be God’s way of reminding me that He really is Emmanuel, God with me? He won’t leave me--ever!

Who could ever be a truer love of our souls than God Himself? As we draw closer and closer to Christmas, the day we set aside to celebrate the most breathtaking Gift ever given, my heart and mind have been captivated by the multitude of undeserved gifts God has provided through the birth of His Son. Over the next 12 days, won’t you join me on a treasure hunt? Let’s slip in the stable and eavesdrop on new parents as they ooh and ahh over the sweet, tiny treasure on Mary’s lap. I can’t wait to hear Zecharias finally tell his story after months of angel-induced laryngitis! Oh the riches of his experience! Each aspect of this timeless story unwraps a precious gift straight from God’s heart to our very own.

God loves you. He’s passionate about you. He wants to show you His love for you. And when you find His gifts of love, I believe He smiles.

Would You Ever Kill Someone?

Would you kill someone?

I’m not talking about taking the life of an attacker as you are defending your own life or that of your family. I’m asking if you would ever just come right out and kill someone. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume your answer is a resounding “no”! For most of us, the idea of even hurting someone is absurd, much less taking someone’s life!

But why would you refuse to kill someone? Is it because you wouldn’t want to endure the punishment that would follow? As horrible as the punishment would be, most of us wouldn’t want to kill someone even if we knew we could escape any consequences. What is it that makes the idea of purposefully ending another person’s life so unthinkable?

A holy God handed down a commandment saying “Do not kill”. Enough said.

Do you realize this same holy God also said “Do not worry”?

Infertility places a heavy burden on your heart and your mind. You worry about whether or not you should pursue medical treatment. You worry about where the money will come from. You worry about a future without children if you are unable to conceive. You worry about a marriage placed under the strain of an empty cradle. You worry. You worry. You worry.

The same God who said “Do not kill” also said “Do not worry”.

Why does God tell you not to worry? Because He knows your future. He knows the plans He has for you, and He’s not worried. The uncertainty that infertility places before you is not puzzling to God. He knew every day of your life before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16) If His plan for you involves difficult days, He knows how to bring you through them. He also knows how to celebrate with you on joyous days. You don’t have to worry because you are never alone (Matthew 28:20), and the One who travels with you, who knows your future, is not worried.

You matter to God. God cares that your heart longs for a baby. He sees every tear that has streamed down your face when another cycle ends without a pregnancy. He understands the hurt and the frustration, yet because He is lovingly in control He can still say to you “don’t worry”.

Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
 But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith!
Luke 12:27-28



For this child I prayed...

As women who face the daily struggle of infertility, there is no doubt the pages of our Bibles recording chapters one and two of 1 Samuel are dog-eared. We loved to read and reread the story of Hannah as she wept and prayed in the temple, crying out to God for a baby, just as we do today. We relate to her frustration, we can almost literally feel her pain and taste her salty tears. How many times have we all sat down in the dusty floor of the temple next to Hannah and wept along with her? It’s just so good to be understood by someone else who knows what it feels like to want a baby so badly, even if that understanding sister lived thousands of years ago!

Oh, how I wish there were video cameras in Hannah’s day! As much I love to read Hannah’s words, I would really love to hear her tell her story. Wouldn’t you? I’d love to hear her make her petitions to the Almighty. I’d love to see her face when she told Eli the priest that she wasn’t drunk, but heartbroken instead. Most of all, I’d want to eavesdrop when she brought her God-sent son back to the same priest and dedicated him to the Lord. I’d ask you to watch that particular video today. Then I’d ask you to watch it again and again. And again.

I’d ask you to back the video up to 1 Samuel 1:27 when Hannah held her precious baby boy in her arms and looked at the priest, Eli, and said “For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted what I asked of Him...” And then I’d ask you to back it up and watch it again. And again. “For this child I prayed...” Back it up. “For this child I prayed...” Turn the volume up. “For this child I prayed...” I can’t help but believe if we could hear Hannah’s voice when she said these words, we might just hear her put her passionate emphasis on the word this. “For THIS child I prayed...”

The waiting in hard. You just want a baby. You don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, or if it’s born at the perfect time of year. You just want a healthy baby. You cry out to God with everything in you to let this month be the month. “God, please! I can’t wait another month! I’ll go crazy! Please let me get pregnant this time!” Just one baby! That’s all you ask for! But please, let it be now! Anybody who has ever gone through infertility would absolutely understand.

But listen to Hannah. “For this child I prayed.” What she didn’t realize all those years as she was weeping and crying out to God for a baby was that every single tear and every single prayer was a prayer for Samuel. Every single tear was a tear shed for Samuel. Every single prayer was a prayer prayed for Samuel. For this child I prayed. Can you imagine the first time she saw his face? It must have all come together in an instant! “Oh, I understand! It was for this child I prayed and waited! Not another! But for this child! So worth it. He was so worth it!”


If Hannah had conceived when she first desired a child, that child would not have been Samuel. There’s no way she could have realized the specific child she was praying for, but God knew. God knows your life and your future just as specifically. All the months that have passed with negative pregnancy tests are not failures. Were Hannah’s months and years without pregnancies failures? Her story resulted in Samuel! If she had conceived even one month earlier than she did, Samuel could not have been conceived and history would have been changed. “For this child I prayed...”

I believe God has a purpose and a plan for your infertility. I believe there is a reason for every single month, every single week, every single day and every single negative pregnancy test you must endure. (Jeremiah 29:11) Keep praying. Keep asking God for children. It is our prayer that one day, just as you have wept with Hannah, you will join with her in saying, “For this child I prayed and God has granted what I asked of Him.”

Star Struck

I have to admit, I’m a little star struck. It’s kind of embarrassing--I’m 41 years old! But I just can’t help myself. Each time I find myself surrounded by the caliber of musicians God has gifted to Healing Place Church, I feel like a kid in a candy store who is way, way out of her league. However, I take my undeserved place on the risers and lift my voice with theirs, offering my grateful praise to the Heavens anyway.

One of those star-struck moments came during this year’s Live the Dream Women’s Conference at Healing Place Church. As I joined with the choir in singing our worship to our amazing God, there was one voice that rose a little higher than all the others. There are some some incredible vocalists at HPC, but this one really stood out far above all the others. It was a little sweeter, a little louder, perhaps a smidgen unique. It was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the most beautiful voice I heard on that stage all weekend. I found that I hushed to listen to this voice lift it’s praise, and I am certain that Heaven must have done the same.

You see, this voice belongs to Lizzie Haviland. A beautiful young woman who took her rightful place on the front row of the HPC choir. The challenges of Down’s Syndrome could never silence her worship and any of us would struggle to rise to her standards of excellence, sincerity and dedication. She lifted her heartfelt song of praise straight to God Himself, and I know all of Heaven leaned in to hear. The world may not recognize the beauty of her song, but Heaven’s choir must be jealous of her aria. What an incredible chorus she sings!

Standing among the likes of Lizzie Haviland in the Healing Place Choir, I am truly star struck and have no doubt I am way, way out of my league.

FInding Rest

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls,
 for My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30

There are so many Scriptures that encourage you to be strong, and to be of good cheer. We’re reminded that even though there will be problems in our lives, Christ has overcome the world, so ultimately we know we’ll be okay! But there are still days when all we want to do is pull the covers over our heads and stay in bed. Is today one of those days?

Jesus knew life would be hard. He knew that infertility and loss would be hard. The precious comforting words you read in Matthew 11:28-30 were spoken from His lips. If today is one of those days where everything feels too hard, hear Him say to you today, “Come to Me, you who are weary. I’ll give you rest.” You’ve tried to be strong for so long. You’ve tried to build your faith and tried to believe through so many failed procedures and negative pregnancy tests. Nothing could have convinced you that last month wasn’t the month--until your period and your tears started again. You’re just tired. Tired of trying and tired of crying.

Perhaps my friend, Erin, can say it better. She’s shares her heart with you in a poem she wrote and allows me to share with you.

One day, I won't need to hear "Mommy" or hold you or help you or feed you.
I will see clearly, instead of "through a glass dimly."
I will trust that God's ways really are "higher than my ways."
I will see how He "worked all things together for good."
Faith will be in Him alone-not in any earthly relationship.
Faith will even pass away, becoming sight of all things hoped for.

But today, I feel like such a baby.
God, will You please hold, me, help me, feed me, and call me Your child?

So if you’re tired today, hear the voice of Jesus beckoning you to come to Him, to rest in His embrace. To learn from Him and find rest. You can resume the fight tomorrow. But for today, just let Him hold you, help you, feed you and call you His child.

We at Sarah’s Laughter love you. We’re pulling for you! We’re praying for you. If there’s anything this ministry can do for you, please don’t hesitate to let us know.

Recklessly Unannounced

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Hebrews 4:16

After a quite intense battle with infertility, God blessed my husband and me with a daughter. We see Him in her every day of her life, and could never express the gratitude our hearts hold for His indescribable gift.

When she was two years old, Lexie had a seizure. We were visiting with my parents who lived smack dab in the middle of a national forest, and were about 45 minutes from the nearest hospital. Since she had not been feeling well that day, my husband slept in one bed and I put Lexie in the bed with me. About 4 AM my bed began to shake as if we were in the throws of a major earthquake! I flipped the lamp on to see this miracle baby God had given me with her eyes rolled in the back of her head and her entire body violently thrashing in every direction all at once!

I immediately grabbed her in my arms and began to run through the house alerting my family. I banged on the wall to wake my husband and headed for my parents’ bedroom. When I got to their room, I slammed the door open, threw my seizing baby on my parents’ bed and screamed “Daddy, pray! Lexie’s having a seizure!”

Before they could shake the sleep from their minds, both of my parents, my husband and I were crying out to God in a way I never had before. I could not even begin to think that God would grant us the miracle of this child after fighting infertility like we did, and then lose her to a seizure in the middle of the night. We called on God with amazing fervency, and He heard our cries. God brought my daughter through the seizure that night, and she has never had another one. To God be the glory!

I share this story with you, because I think there is a great truth for you to learn in your struggle with infertility. In the moments when I realized we had a major problem on our hands, the first thing I did was wake my husband and run to my parents room. I called out to my dad to begin praying. (My dad was a pastor for nearly 60 years. It seemed the natural thing for me to call his name, although I knew my mom and husband would pray just as fervently, and they did!) Do you think I knocked on the door? Do you think I stood at the door to their bedroom with my seizing baby in my arms and wondered if it was okay for me to disturb their sleep? Should I have called someone else down the street who might still be awake? Of course not! I burst through my father’s door, threw my sick baby on the bed and cried out for help.

This is a great example of what God tells us to do when we need His help! Hebrews 4:16 says:

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

God invites us to come to Him to receive mercy and grace in our time of need. The words “draw near with confidence” literally mean “come recklessly unannounced”! God tells us to come recklessly unannounced into His throne room to find the help we need! The night of the seizure, I didn’t wait to be invited before I burst into my father’s room. I didn’t ask someone else to go there for me. I didn’t wonder if he’d be mad for me waking him up, or if he would refuse to help me pray. I didn’t have to. He’s my father, and I’m his child. That’s all the authority I needed to burst through his door recklessly unannounced.

Burst into God’s throne room recklessly unannounced to find help when you need it. When you feel like you can’t take this struggle anymore, go recklessly unannounced to your Father and cry out for help. He won’t turn you away. When another period starts, or you and your spouse just can’t agree on what steps to take next, cry out to your Father and approach Him recklessly unannounced! Bring your hurt and your problem to Him and cast it on Him. He knows how heavy the burden of infertility is for you. He’ll respond to the cry of His child with grace and mercy to help you in your time of need.

The Ridiculousness of God

Oh, I wish you could have been with me yesterday! Every single one of you! I know that infertility is so hard and can drain you of your sense of humor. You can sometime use a laugh! You would have gotten a chuckle if you could have followed me yesterday! You see, I took my 73 year old mother to the doctor and my 79 year old dad tagged along. (Don’t see the humor yet? Hang on!) The appointment was with a new doctor and we were not quite sure where the office was, but figured we’d just follow the signs once we got close. When we got to the appropriate floor of the physicians’ tower, my parents stepped off the elevator and began “confidently” heading straight toward the office of an infertility clinic! It was the funniest sight! A duo of septuagenarians, wrinkles, gray hair, one with an artificial knee and one with a walker, determinedly headed for fertility center! What if the fertility staff had looked out the door? What would they have thought? “Hey doc! Don’t plan on going to lunch today! You’ve got a doozy of a case coming this way!” We all laughed when I pointed out the sign over the door where they were headed as I quickly steered them toward the much more appropriate office. (I think I heard my dad say something about just popping into the fertility clinic to get checked out, but he complied with me and followed us into mom’s doctor’s office!) What a ridiculous sight!

If my parents had been going to a fertility clinic on purpose, there is no doubt in my mind that the fertility specialist would have thought they were out of their minds! I’ll bet he would have scheduled a psychiatric consult rather than a fertility work-up! But do you realize that Scripture tells of a couple with an even more ridiculous fertility story? Add more than 25 years to this story and you have the family history of Sarah and Abraham! Sarah was 90 and Abraham was 100 when they were the proud parents of a brand new, bouncing baby boy! God performed a ridiculous miracle in the lives of Sarah and Abraham to do for them what He promised He would do. The Bible is full of God doing things that the world would deem ridiculous. Oh, the ridiculousness of God!

Friend, God can still do the ridiculous! If God decides to place life in a womb, it doesn’t matter if that womb is 42 years old! God is the giver of life! If God says there will be life, there will be life! If God chooses to conquer PCOS, endometriosis, and low sperm counts, He will! How ridiculous it may seem to believe that God can take a child conceived in a tiny village on the other side of the world, and destine that baby to be raised in your loving Christian home in the United States, to be taught of the love of Christ at your knee, and to call you Mommy, but if God calls it done, then friend, prepare your nursery! How unbelievable that even God could help you survive months or even years of waiting until His plan is made manifest in your life. But He does. He has. He is. I love the ridiculousness of God!

God is still able to do exceeding, abundantly above all you can ask, or even think to ask Him to do for you. He is still working and moving through the infertile days of your life. Trust Him through the confusing days. And look for the ridiculousness of God!


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